GOT SOME TIME to kill? Settle into the wild world of pop culture conspiracy theories for a time, won’t you?
1. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are secretly married with a bunch of kids
You might have thought that Twilight stars Rob and Kristen broke up in 2012, shortly after photos emerged of her canoodling with another man. Wrong! Those photos were faked to get the paparazzi off Rob and Kristen’s backs so they could get married and start a family.
But what of FKA twigs? What of Kristen’s girlfriends? Robsten fans, who are some of the most devoted truthers out there, insist that these are all ploys to distract from the real relationship. You could easily spend hours in a Robsten rabbit hole.
2. Lorde is actually several decades older than she says she is
The singer Lorde was born Ella Yelich-O’Connor in 1996… or was she?!
When she released her first album at 16, people decided that no one that young could be so talented. Then there’s this quote from an interview she did with fellow wunderkind Tavi Gevinson:
The Virgin Suicides really resonated with me as a teenager. I mean, I am still a teenager.
HMM. For her part, Lorde has tried to laugh it off, dryly quipping to Vanity Fair: “Hi, I’m Ella, and I’m actually 45.”
3. Louis Tomlinson’s baby is a fake meant to cover up his relationship with Harry Styles
This one just goes on and on. Fans of One Direction have compiled a heap of evidence that Louis and Harry are in fact in love, from a rainbow bear often seen at gigs to endless gifs. The ‘ship’ is called Larry Stylinson, and it’s much discussed on Tumblr.
The theory was almost shattered when Louis announced he was expecting a baby, but no! The baby is fake, the pictures are Photoshopped, and it’s all a ruse to keep Larry secret.
4. Stevie Wonder is not blind
Hey, that’s mean, you might say. But then how did he catch this mic stand? Why does he sit courtside at basketball games? WHY? Deadspin has rounded up all the evidence, and it’s compelling.
5. Avril Lavigne has been replaced by an actress
The Paul Is Dead of the 21st century. According to research done by a Brazilian fansite, the real Avril Lavigne died shortly after the release of her first album, and was replaced by a lookalike actress. We are being LIED TO.
6. Katy Perry is in fact JonBenét Ramsey, all grown up
In 1996, six-year-old beauty queen JonBenét Ramsay was murdered at her home in Colorado. Her killer was never found, and the case has fascinated conspiracy theorists until this day.
The most bizarre of those theories is that JonBenét did not die, but grew up to be the famous singer Katy Perry.
Believers point to the facial similarities between Katy and JonBenét, but completely ignore the fact that there are six years between them in age. Still though, it’s a juicy one!
7. Justin Bieber is a lizard person
This one dates back to 2014, with this video of Bieber’s “eyes changing” in court:
CREEPY. Since then, sightings of him ‘shapeshifting’ into his reptilian form have kept popping up on the internet – most recently, a quickly deleted article on an Australian website claimed that hundreds of fans saw him do it at a gig. We’re on to you, Bieber.
8. Britney Spears was a tool of the Bush administration
Remember Britney Spears’ troubled years, from around 2004 to 2007? Well, there is a theory that Britney was paid by the Bush adminstration to distract the people from their many issues.
This website established a timeline, matching up big Britney events with their Bush equivalents. And then there’s this clip of her from Michael Moore’s Farenheit 9/11:
9. Richard Gere and the gerbil
This is a very old one, but it’s still a doozy. The story goes that Richard Gere was once rushed to hospital to have a gerbil removed from his rectum. Nice!
There isn’t a shred of evidence that it actually happened, Gere himself has spoken of it rarely, but still. It persists.
10. Everything to do with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Oh listen, where do we start. There are rumours that the Church of Scientology had ‘wife auditions’ to find a spouse for Tom Cruise; that Holmes was ‘brainwashed’ into falling for him; and that the marriage was a five-year contract.
There’s also a theory that Suri is not Tom’s child – Katie’s relationship with longtime boyfriend Chris Klein ended just a month or two before she met Tom, and Suri herself wasn’t seen until she was almost six months old. *strokes beard*
11. And lastly – Beyoncé is Solange’s mam
Wait, you might ask. Beyoncé is 35. Solange is 30. That would mean Beyoncé had her when she was five years old. But not if Beyoncé is lying about her age, as these blogs claim. This one is entirely unbelievable, but isn’t that the fun of conspiracy theories?
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