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We all know the story of the Nativity.

It’s a classic boy-meets-girl tale, in which said girl gets knocked up by an omnipresent being and is inevitably forced to give birth in a stable surrounded by barnyard animals.

Standard enough.

But what if the birth of Christ had actually taken place on our fair isle? It’s safe to say things would have gone a little differently.

1. The Angel Gabriel would have made the pregnancy announcement on Instagram

Complete with inspo-quote and praise-hands emoji. #blessed

2. Joseph would’ve been an entrepreneur, not a carpenter

Mary’s really into guys with start-ups.

Click here to watch ›

3. Mary would have had her baby shower in House on Leeson Street

Sure look, if it’s good enough for Pippa O’Connor …

4. Joseph would’ve given Mary a backer on his bike across Bethlehem (Blanchardstown?)

AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

Big J would have ditched the donkey in favour of something slightly more practical. Failing getting a lend of the Nissan Qashquai off his da, it’s straight on to the chopper bike.

5. They would have trekked over the Hill of Tara, not the Hills of Gallilee

G’luck.

6. Mary and Joseph would NEVER have been turned away from the inn

Any self-respecting innkeeper would have gone above and beyond to provide some sort of lodgings for the poor creatures.

A box room would have been ‘made up’ – more than likely untouched since the last guest – a lot of tutting, and ‘sure it’s no trouble at all WOULD YOU STOP’.

Click here to watch ›

7. The Wisemen would have brought completely different gifts

Mindaugas Kulbis AP / Press Association Images Mindaugas Kulbis AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

Liga biscuits, Sudocrem and a spare dodie (no, they are NOT called soothers).

You’d imagine one of them would throw in a bottle of Milton as well.

8. Google Maps would help them find the #squad, not a star

The lack of real time info for the buses is the reason they were late – sure what else?

(In the event that you’re planning a trip to Narazeth it’ll take 57 hours by car).

Google Maps Google Maps

9. Jesus would have been ginger

Obviously.

10. Mary would have put up LOADS of Snapchats of the child

… But block King Herod from viewing her story. Dodge.

11. The Child of Prague would have been put outside the day before Christening to ensure fine weather

Click here to watch ›

12. Jesus would have cried for the entire Christening and mortified Mary and Joseph

Everyone would go to the local GAA hall after “to wet the baby’s head”.

Click here to watch ›

13. … And Elizabeth-from-down-the-road would have made the Christening cake

14. Mary’s mother would have one of every item of clothing crocheted for the child

In two colour sets, juuuuuuust in case. Couldn’t take Mary’s word for it that it wouldn’t be the daughter of God now, could she?

@pinkrobotcrochet

15. Mary and Joseph would have had one of those newborn photoshoots

If you don’t know what we’re referring to, watch this.

16. And it would’ve been Íosa, not Jesus, le do thoil.

Click here to watch ›

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