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Well, you can’t really be sure. Maybe you could if you really, really committed to it?
2. Your fridge might be empty, but you have the best stocked cereal press in town
Because cereal is always there when you literally couldn’t be arsed to get anything else for dinner.
3. And you’re an oracle on frozen pizza
Which is the cheapest, which is the tastiest, which supermarket’s own-brand is the best, etc. If only this information actually served you well in the real world.
4. People often comment on the bleakness of your home-cooked efforts, when they occur
Plain pasta with some pesto thrown on it is ‘sad’ apparently. Sad but QUICK and DELICIOUS, Denise. You can’t argue with that logic.
5. But the few times you’ve actually tried to make a meal from scratch, it’s gone horribly wrong
You made a complete mess, or got distracted and burned your spaghetti, or forgot to turn the oven on in the first place. Your priorities just do not align with being a chef.
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6. ‘Meal prep’ sounds like hell to you
You mean you spend a whole day just… chopping and boiling and roasting things? When you could be sitting down?
7. You may have purchased some kitchen gear in the hopes of inspiring yourself, once
That slow cooker seemed like a revelation – you can just leave it to do the cooking for you! – until you realised that chopping is actually what you hate.
Tuesday 5 November, 2024
Tuesday 5 November, 2024
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11 essential facts of life for people who really, truly, HATE cooking
IT JUST SEEMS like there are better things to do with your time. Like anything else.
1. It’s not that you can’t cook, first of all
Well, you can’t really be sure. Maybe you could if you really, really committed to it?
2. Your fridge might be empty, but you have the best stocked cereal press in town
Because cereal is always there when you literally couldn’t be arsed to get anything else for dinner.
3. And you’re an oracle on frozen pizza
Which is the cheapest, which is the tastiest, which supermarket’s own-brand is the best, etc. If only this information actually served you well in the real world.
4. People often comment on the bleakness of your home-cooked efforts, when they occur
Plain pasta with some pesto thrown on it is ‘sad’ apparently. Sad but QUICK and DELICIOUS, Denise. You can’t argue with that logic.
5. But the few times you’ve actually tried to make a meal from scratch, it’s gone horribly wrong
You made a complete mess, or got distracted and burned your spaghetti, or forgot to turn the oven on in the first place. Your priorities just do not align with being a chef.
6. ‘Meal prep’ sounds like hell to you
You mean you spend a whole day just… chopping and boiling and roasting things? When you could be sitting down?
7. You may have purchased some kitchen gear in the hopes of inspiring yourself, once
That slow cooker seemed like a revelation – you can just leave it to do the cooking for you! – until you realised that chopping is actually what you hate.
8. Speaking of chopping, absolutely f**k that
SO BORING.
9. Not to mention the washing up
Even washing the plate you put your frozen pizza on feels like an imposition.
10. So you’ll avoid cooking for as long as you get away with it
Even Beyoncé isn’t a fan of it.
11. But if your mam asks, you’re roasting a chicken every Sunday to have for lunches during the week
She doesn’t have to know. *winks*
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can't cook won't cook cooking hate cooking