EUROVISION IS FAST approaching which means it’s time we analysed each offering from our European neighbours and decide which are good are which shall be receiving nil points.

Having analysed the most of the songs in part 1, part 2 and part 3, we now move on to the final 10.

34. United Kingdom – Storm – SuRie

The last and usually worst of the Big 5 is the United Kingdom. The song involves SuRie singing to each member of her family while dancing in different colours. In fairness it could be a topless Harry Styles and the UK would somehow still manage to come last.

35. Croatia – Crazy – Franka

Croatia have brought in every emo you ever saw hanging out at the Central Bank for this years’s entry. They’re rolling around in sand though which doesn’t make a lot of sense. Then again the song is called ‘Crazy’. We’ll just go with it.

36. Belgium – A Matter of Time – Sennek

Belgium is singing in an empty swimming pool which isn’t concerning at all. This sleek song is just sleek without any sort of meaningful beat or glitter. It’s almost like people are actually talking this song contest seriously. I for one am outraged.

37. Estonia – La Forza – Elina Nechayeva

So Estonia have gone mad. First of all they have sent an incredibly talented opera singer who can go higher than my dreams. Secondly her dress is a PROJECTION dress so you get all these cool patterns on it. Fair play Estonia, knocking it out of the park.

38. Iceland – Our Choice – Ari Ólafsson

And here we have Iceland’s answer to Jack Gleeson advocating for women’s bodily autonomy with this slow song. ‘We all have a choice we can make’. Not all of us Ari but thanks for thinking of us mate. In fairness he’s actually singing about helping people which is just as good a cause.

39. Romania – Goodbye – The Humans

Romania have sent their version of ‘No Doubt’ with yer da on the drums. It’s a song about saying goodbye but tells us that ‘happiness is free’. I’m sorry Romania but have you seen the price of brunch in Ireland? Happiness is not free my friend.

40. Serbia – Nova Deca – Sanja Ilic & Balkania

Serbia have all the essentials of Eurovision. It’s sung in the national language, it has a traditional instrument at the start coupled with wailing which is always a bonus. It then goes into a more club classic with a drummer going mad on the oil drums in the background. 10/10

41. The Ukraine – Under the Ladder – MELOVIN

Unfortunately this is not a tribute to Sean Kingston’s epic ‘Me Love’. However, it has a fast tempo as well as strobe lights and the leader singer looking intensely into the camera at all the right moments. THEN SUDDENLY he is playing a piano THAT IS ON FIRE. The Ukraine did not come here to take part. They came to win.

42. Slovenia – Hvala, ne – Lea Sirk

Lea is here with attitude and synchronized dancing that would make Beyoncé jealous. This song goes off way more than you expect it to and while I have absolutely no idea what she’s saying I feel like Slovenia could do unexpectedly well this year. Either way, this is going on my house party playlist.

43. Denmark – Higher Ground – Rasmussen

Denmark have a serious ‘Game of Thrones’ meets Newton Faulker vibe going on this year. I mean Demark did give us Vikings so it makes sense that their song seems to be a tribute to hiking and mountains. It’s very intense but I’m sort of into it.

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