WE ALL KNOW and love David Duchovny from The X-Files. Earlier this month, he announced that he was writing a book and described it to Rolling Stone as “an allegorical story using animals for people.”
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Sounds grand. What he failed to mention is that it is called Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale and is about a group of farm animals who unite Israel and Palestine. No, really.

Per his publisher:

Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that — her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer’s family gathered around a bright Box God — and what the Box God reveals about something called an “industrial meat farm” shakes Elsie’s understanding of her world to its core.

A lot to digest here. Cows, Box Gods, industrial meat farms. Moving on.

There’s only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry — excuse me, Shalom — a cranky, Torah-reading pig who’s recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave turkey who can’t fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak.

A pig who converts to Judaism. Gotcha.

Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom — who does eventually learn to fly (sort of) — dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians.

So, the Jewish pig ends up brokering peace between Israelis and Palestinians. Okay.

David Duchovny’s charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.

This is what we’ve been missing, everybody – David Duchovny’s book! With it, we can finally achieve peace, love and understanding.

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Thank you, David.

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