COME, RELAX. IT’S safe here. We’re all like you.
1. Cleaning your ears with a cotton bud
Oh, it’s bad for our ears, is it? But how can something that’s bad for us feel so good?
2. Then examining said cotton bud
Have to make sure the job is done.
3. Peeling dead/sunburned skin
“Leave it alone!” they say. But we have…to…peel!
4. Peering eagerly at a face mask for gunk
SHOW ME MY DISGUSTING PORES.
5. Having a little pick at your scalp
Scratch scratch scratch.
6. Finding ‘shower hair’
Long-haired people (and people who live with long-haired people) know. Stray hair migrates to the worst possible places during a shower, but getting them out? Fantastic.
7. Watching those spot-popping videos
Oh sure, popping your own spots is great. But watching a ten-year-old spotfinally meet its maker? *sighs contentedly*
8. Sitting on the toilet for some ‘quiet time’
You should have gotten up ages ago! But here you are, reflecting on life, the universe, and everything from the comfort of the porcelain throne.
9. Getting out a particularly heinous wedgie
Say you’ve been living with this wedgie for a good half a day. Say you finally get a chance to be alone with this wedgie, and really show it who’s boss… Sweet, sweet relief.
10. Picking a scab
Look. It just feels right.
11. Spending too long making awful faces at yourself in the mirror
When you retract your head that far into your neck, you have 13 chins. Who knew!? *Snapchats furiously*
12. Rotating your wrists/ankles until you hear a crack
Oooh, baby do you know what that’s worth? Oooh, heaven is a place on earth.
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