Charleville Lodge Charleville Lodge

A DUBLIN HOTEL called Charleville Lodge have been getting some serious attention on Twitter over the last day or two. It isn’t the first time either.

In 2015, the hotel got a fair amount of attention after it lashed out at Ed Sheeran fans who were unhappy with the inflation of room prices during Ed Sheeran’s Croke Park dates. The year before that, they lied about Garth Brooks gigs going ahead for the laugh, and were forced to issue an apology to disappointed fans. This apology advised fans to “get a life”.

 So with that background, you’ll comfortably believe that this guest directory that has gone viral is legitimate.

Twitter user Terri Welsh posted two photos of the directory and asked “What kind of place have we booked?”

The first photo is a letter from Charleville Lodge’s ‘Pot Washer’ Paul Stenson, who advises guests not to get their hopes up.

Dear Guests,You are very welcome to Dublin and to Charleville Lodge Hotel. Please be advised that Charleville Lodge is not Buckingham Palace, therefore guests should not expect 7-star service.While our accommodation has been described as palatial, guests are reminded that Charleville Lodge provides budget accommodation and very adequate service. Our service is by no means excellent, which is reflected in the amount of money you’re paying us.

Terri Welsh Terri Welsh

As you’ve probably noticed, our hotel is one of the best value accommodation providers in Dublin. You will not find any other hotel selling at a lower price. This means that your rights as a guest are limited. Please keep complaints to a minimum. Our staff are overworked and underpaid as it is and they really don’t need you going to reception to complain unnecessarily.

The letter then lightened up a little bit by warning guests that the hotel staff are trained in martial arts and are willing to use their skills against guests if needs be.

A second photograph listed all of the essential information guests at the hotel needed to know.

It was in alphabetical order, beginning with D.

Dogs: if I had my way, dogs would be allowed in the hotel. I prefer dogs to humans. They don’t complain as much. However, our EHO (environmental health officer) does not like dogs in hotels and therefore they are not allowed. Don’t blame me. Blame her.

Terri Welsh Terri Welsh

Then it skipped to H, with a warning about the hotel’s hairdryers.

Hairdryers: If you try to steal the hairdryer from your room, you will be in for a little surprise. There is an explosive device installed on the inner wall of the hairdryer chamber, if you attempt to remove it from the room, the anti-theft system at the front door will detect the hairdryer in your bag and detonate the explosives, killing you and anyone around you.

Finally, they offer some phone numbers. For reception, dial 0. Simple enough. For the café, dial 297. Then they offer a number for the Partyline (for a good time – 1590 69 69 69) and tell guests that if they’re looking for Paul’s office number, they can “f**k off”.

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