DEEP CREEPING IS so therapeutic. Everyone does it… don’t they?
1. You constantly have to stop yourself from admitting too much
What you want to say:
Oh heya, haven’t seen you in literal years. How’s the new baby? The new gaff? You split up from Adam didn’t you? Thought you were going to Portugal this week?
What you really say:
Oh hey, long time no see. How’s life?
2. Sometimes you’re genuinely concerned about the amount of expertise you have in online stalking
You suspected that girl you went to playschool with was doing well. Better find her Facebook history, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram to really confirm it.
EASY. Now, if only you could apply this skill to your every day life.
3. People having their profile on private is merely a temporary obstacle
You can run, you can hide, but we will access your business.
4. You’ve gone back so far on someone’s profile you’ve genuinely started to feel like you know them
You don’t. They’re your mate’s ex’s cousin’s husband but they look like great craic. Thank God for timeline.
5. Accidentally liking a really old Instagram or Facebook photo is acceptable grounds to tip yourself out the window
You’ve definitely done this at some stage.
Whoops!
We couldn't find this Tweet
Oh, just tagged yourself in your ex’s new girlfriend’s group photo at Electric Picnic 2009? You had a good run.
* deletes internet*
6. You’ve chatted about events you saw on Facebook like you were actually there
Yeah did you see Kayleigh got married. Down in Tipp, Jess and Siobhan were there.
Oh did you go?
…
7. Your Facebook search history is a mess of randos you briefly met or heard of
Your secret shame.
You delete it out of habit about twice a week. Oh, nothing to see here. Nothing at all.
8. You’ve sent too many accidental friend requests to count
UNDO UNDO.
9. When Twitter moved the update box, all hell broke loose
It’s TOO close to the search box, dammit.
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