1. Walking into a room and trying to remember what you came for is a daily occurrence for you
I’m in the kitchen. But how?
2. You regularly annoy your friends by composing response texts that are never sent
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How many times have you said “Mary never texted me back! How rude!” only to discover your text still lying there, waiting for you to hit send?
3. You’re always leaving phones/shopping bags/scarves in public places and having to go dashing back for them
You can’t hang on to an umbrella to save your life and frequently thank god for Penneys.
4. Names? If only we could go through life without them, says you
If you haven’t seen or spoken to them every day for the past year, their name just flies out. There is simply no space in your brain for more than 8-10 names.
5. And passwords? They only bring pain, pain and more pain
You’ve locked yourself out of your phone and online banking too many times to count.
6. Having to ask ‘Sorry, what’s your name again?’ will never not be mortifying
Accurate picture of you at this moment:
7. When someone approaches you all ‘OMG haven’t seen you in AGES!’ and you’re like “…”
“Heyyyy…YOU!” is not just a movie/TV cliché. It is your life.
8. Leaving the house is an obstacle course of danger
Straighteners off? Yes. Gas rings all turned off? Yes. Lights all off? Yes. Windows closed? …Ah FECK. *turns back around*
9. And no matter how hard you try, you’ll always forget something going on holidays
Maybe it won’t be an essential like a passport (you’ve that drilled into you by now), but it’ll be something annoying like a phone charger. Or sunglasses.
10. You know the cold panic of missing an important birthday only too well
“January 15th… It’s standing out to me, why though? Oh never mind.”
January 16th: “SH*TE MAM’S BIRTHDAY.”
11. And rely on Facebook for everything
Sarah’s birthday is on Tuesday. Alan’s leaving drinks are on Friday. Thank you Facebook, thank you.
12. You’ll be writing ’2016′ until December 31st, 2017
Oh Christ, not again.
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