1. Will would be born and raised on the playgrounds of West Dublin
2. But then he got in one little fight and his mam got scared so she said “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Kildare”
3. The fight would actually be over a particularly heated game of Kerbs and not basketball
4. Which meant that he moved to a mansion in the leafy K Club with his “Uncle Philo” and Viv
The Fresh Prince of Kildare was born.
5. On Will’s first night in the house he would say “ask me bollix” and cause consternation in the family
6. Carlton would definitely play rugby and be an active member of Renua
7. Aunt Viv would be drafted in to teach Will and Carlton about the 1916 Rising
8. Jazz would get the 120 Dublin Bus out to Kildare with a bag of cans to pay Will a visit
Causing chaos, of course.
9. Hilary would get a job doing the weather on TV3
10. And then start going out with a TV3 news presenter lad – who proposes to her live from the Ploughing Championship
It wouldn’t end well.
11. Will would play snooker in Dublin and get in a whole heap of trouble with some lads – but Uncle Philo would save the day
12. Geoffrey would be an au pair because posh English butlers in tuxedos really aren’t a thing here
13. Will’s childhood friend Jackie would come back into his life after getting a GAA scholarship at Maynooth
And she’d be played by Georgia Salpa.
14. Carlton would rent out the gaff for a Coronas music video when his parents are away
More smoke.
15. Ashley would have a one-hit wonder after appearing on The Voice of Ireland
16. And finally… the Carlton dance would always be accompanied by a Crystal Swing backing track
And they would guest star in multiple episodes – because they fit perfectly with the dance.
The Fresh Prince of Kildare <3
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