1. Safe Baby Handling Tips

David Sopp’s board book (with bonus ‘Wheel of Responsibility’) is essential for any new parent, for all of those newborn dilemmas.

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2. Go The F*ck To Sleep

A children’s book for adults, this sees the narrator begging a child to “go the f**k” to sleep”.

A sample verse:

I know you’re not thirsty,That’s bullsh*t,Stop lying.

Lie the f**k down, my darling,

And sleep.

Samuel L Jackson reads the audiobook version. Of course he does.

3. Eats, Poops and Leaves

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This book doesn’t beat around the bush. It tells you what to do “if your baby shrieks at a wedding or stealth vomits on an innocent bystander”.

It also gives advice on how to use your child to get out of things, or how to stop strangers confusing your girl for a boy and vice versa.

4. Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

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This does exactly what it says on the tin.

5. I Just Want To Pee Alone

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Anyone who’s gone to a friend’s house, forgotten they’re not at home alone with their toddler, and gone to the toilet with the door open will relate to this collection of essays.

6. You Have to F**king Eat

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From the people who brought you Go The F**k To Sleep.

The audiobooks are narrated by Bryan Cranston in the US and Stephen Fry in the UK.

7. Pat the Daddy

Amaszon Amaszon

This is another parody of a children’s book, where the reader is invited to do things like “feel daddy’s scratchy face” and “put a sock in Paul’s mouth”.

Runninginhighheals Runninginhighheals

Bryan Cranston narrates hilarious explicit kid’s book

You know you’re a parent when…