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Dublin: 13 °C Tuesday 5 November, 2024

14 things that would happen if Game of Thrones was set in Dublin

Summer is coming… for two days.

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1. Instead of ‘Winter is Coming’, people would reverently whisper ‘Summer is coming’, and tell fabled tales of 99s and White Walkers (lads with their tops off)

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2. The North would stretch from Swords to Balbriggan with Winterfell at Swords Pavillions, rightful seat of the King in the North and a fairly decent Zara

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3. Beyond the Wall would be Meath, and the the only reason to go over it would be for an annual and bloody GAA battle

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4. Joffrey would do BESS at Trinity and keep Dubarry shoes in business

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5. His wedding would be in the Shelbourne and he’d choke on an overstuffed vol au vent. People would be slow enough in doing the Heimlich on him

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6. A young Amy Huberman would play Arya because she’s so sound and probably decent with a sword

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7. Kevin McGahern would be Jon Snow; he’s got the curls, is a bit of a ride, and his origins are sketchy (the wilds of Cavan)

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8. The Night’s Watch would be made up of lads who ‘actually had a girlfriend at the Gaeltacht, but you wouldn’t know her, she’s from Cork’

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9. The Kings Road would be the M50 with people battling to the death to avoid having to get off at the Red Cow

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10. Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons would be expensive bikes with dodgy locks. Always going missing

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11. Littlefinger’s lair would be on Harcourt St and you’d be hard pushed to place that accent; Waterford? Galway? Drogheda?

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12. Tyrion Lannister would be giving cheek in the Dáil constantly, rising the Ceann Comhairle and being forced into trials by combat with the Healy Raes

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13. The Eyrie would be at the Guinness Storehouse with traitors tipped out the window of the Sky Bar

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14. Melisandre’s before and after would be you at 8pm on Saturday night, and 1pm the following day, on the rollover

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All Game of Thrones stills via HBO/Sky Atlantic

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Emer McLysaght
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