REMEMBER THAT “GLENROE’S on and I don’t have my homework done” feeling?
Multiply it by one million and that’s the way a huge portion of the country is feeling right now.
Those who have been lucky enough to be off work all over Christmas will be returning to the grind en masse tomorrow, and those who’ve already been back at work haven’t been fully committed.
Here are the many things that are giving you the ultimate fear…
1. The clock
Five minutes ago it was 2.37pm. Now it’s 8.30pm and you have no idea how that happened.
Best to put a tea towel over the clock. No good can come of looking at it.
2. Your own breath
You’re sighing deeply every 5-6 minutes. You can’t help it. You have a classic case of The Fear.
3. Going to bed
The sooner you go to bed, the sooner it will be Monday morning.
4. Not going to bed
If you go to bed NOW you can get 7 hours sleep.
If you go NOW you can get 6 hours sleep.
Repeat ad infinitum.
5. Everyone else
You’re not imaging it. Everyone is out to get you.
6. Your hygiene
It’s probably been a couple of days since you washed, because after tomorrow you have to go back to washing yourself every day. It’s over, man.
7. Your legs
They have a mind of their own. They want to jig around. They want to be still. They want to be wearing socks. They don’t want to be wearing socks.
WILL THIS TORTURE EVER END?
8. The memory of this voice
9. And this music
10. Social media
11. Your clothes
WHY ARE THEY TOUCHING YOU?
12. Your phone
There’s been a voicemail on it for two days, and you haven’t checked it. It taunts you. It knows you’re thinking about it.
13. The Christmas decorations
They’re still up, but you can’t bring yourself to turn the lights on.
So now there’s just a dead tree in the corner of your sitting room. A dead tree that you’re going to have to remove soon. Maybe tomorrow after wor… OH GOD!
Sleep well dear friends.
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