Well, tonight is all about patisserie, and we’ve heard a rumour that they’re taking the challenges up a notch.

There has been criticism that the challenges thus far have been too simple, and watching the GBBO crowd, it’s easy to see why.

Is this the first week Anna hasn’t looked like she’s having the head blown off her?  I think it might be.

Oonagh looks nice, doesn’t she?  A good coat will mean you always look well, that’s what my granny always said.

Ooh, millefeuille!  Commonly known in Ireland as a custard slice.

Not too exotic really, at least the bakers should know what they look like.

Oh hang on, that looks a little bit different from the standard custard slice you get from the cake shop around the corner.  Look at all those fancy nuts on the outside.

Lots of opportunity for Biddy to go on about ‘crunch’ and ‘crisp’ too.  Great.

Maryanne is already stressed about her pastry.  I don’t want to be a jerk, but surely if you’re in a baking competition you should know what rough puff pastry looks like?

I mean, if I was entering a baking competition I’d study up on the basics.  Wouldn’t you?

Oh she’s not happy about her creme pat (or pastry cream as they’re calling it) either.

There’s a lot to like about Barbara.  She never seems to get too stressed, and she’s always cheery, and Oonagh always has it together as well.  Then of course Stephen is never in a flap, but then he’s the leader at this point, right?

Got to be.  The leader of our hearts, anyway!

Look at her… a shampoo company’s dream.

HI SOPHIE OF THE GOLDEN HAIR! *waves*

I love watching people pipe cream or creamy things, big splodges of it.  It’s very satisfying.

Ah here Barbara, COME ON.  That is a complete mess.

PLEASE let the judges actually criticise this week.

It’s really annoying me that they keep saying pastry cream instead of creme pat.

Have I been ruined by GBBO?  Do I have… *whispers* notions?

Lads I’m going to get real with you now.  I don’t think some of these people are very good bakers.

They’re all fairly good, but the only ones who are properly good are Stephen and Oonagh.  Maybe Maryanne on a good week. What do you reckon?  Am I being harsh?

Like, the top two in this challenge are winning because they’re cooked.  Because the pastry is actually cooked.  That’s what’s winning it.

It’s not exactly the highest standard, is it?

I’ve heard a rumour that in the second half the gang are taking on the croquembouche, which is essentially a tower of choux pastry balls held together by threads of caramel.

Here is what it’s meant to look like, as a reference.

BBC Good Food BBC Good Food

We’ll have to wait and see what our contestants manage.

That’s a good start Oonagh! *CRASH*

I feel I have to disclose that my boyfriend made a croquembouche as a treat for a friend of ours and it was amazing, so I am going to have exacting standards when it comes to this.

He is a good cook but doesn’t bake much and is 100% amateur, so if these guys are the best in the country, they’d better be good.

Poor redfaced Will looks panicked as Biddy and Paul question him about his construction.

They look disappointed by the fact that his croquembouche won’t incorporate a turning wheel.

Come on guys, get real.

*Sigh*

Stephen and the way he might look at you.

Wow, Oonagh’s construction is going to be in a tempered chocolate box.  That is ambitious.  If she manages to pull this out of the bag I’ll be super impressed.

That’s what we’re looking for from our contestants, eh?

Barbara is always positive, even when her batter is falling out of the fridge.

Aoife is making honeycomb, she knows how to win me over.

If I’ve learned one thing from this programme it’s that honeycomb looks amazing when it’s being made.

‘Hahahahaha…’ laughs Will, wild eyed and gripping his wooden spoon.

Uh oh, Oonagh has forgotten to do enough profiteroles.  WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?

She’s lust have to ‘role with it, I suppose.  HA HA HA HA.

Aoife is making bees to go on her croque, they look really cute!

Stephen’s croque looks perfect, no surprises there, but poor Oonagh is having a disaster with her tempered chocolate construction.  I don’t think it’s going to happen, and neither, judging by her face, does Anna.

Ah here Maryanne, you can’t leave a bloody cone in your croque.

That’s a real crock.  Of s**t.

‘HA HA HA,’ laughs Biddy when Paul enjoys Maryanne’s croque, ‘His sweet tooth!’

Obviously, he has a sweet tooth.  He’s a pastry chef.  On a baking show.

Paul really uses some creative pronounciation it has to be said.  They’re not making croquembouche, no no, it’s CROKE-on-BUSH.

Barbara has got to be in the firing line, hasn’t she?

That’s not really a croquembouche, and it’s not being held together by caramel, they’re just piled on discs with a load of melted chocolate.

There’s no touching Stephen, which for the sake of drama in the show is an awful shame.

He’s clearly the best, and has got to be the winner (sorry, I know I’m repeating myself, but COME ON).

Paul says Oonagh’s bake isn’t a CROKE-on-BUSH, and it’s not a croquembouche either.

Soz bbz. It’s a disaster.

DOUBLE ELIMINATION!!!

In fairness, it had to be Barbara.

Ah, Aoife!  Poor Aoife!

NO STEPHEN IT’S NOT GOING TO BE INTENSE BECAUSE YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND ARE CLEARLY GOING TO WIN.

So, Aoife and Barbara are gone and next week I’m going to be really harsh.  Sorry guys, but it has to be done.  It’s the semi-final.

Join me here, same bat time, same bat channel!  I might even throw in some Halloween jokes for the laugh.