1. Freddy’s barbecue joint would be a greasy spoon run by a heavily accented Dub
“I do love a good fry in the mawning, Freddy.”
2. Frank’s high-level talks with the Russian President would actually be a St Patrick’s Day visit to Sydney
3. Claire would be head of Trócaire before giving it all up when Frank becomes President
4. Frank’s arguments with Doug would be over how many garden parties he has to attend in the Áras every week
“Look Doug, I’m not going to more than three a week. I don’t care how many f**king canapes are served.”
5. It wouldn’t be a national scandal that Peter Russo was a raging alcoholic
6. He would actually have to retire from politics because he printed ten thousand leaflets on the Oireachtas printer and lied to a local paper about it
7. The texts on screen would definitely be Whatsapp messages
8. Meacham would be a troubled country Garda with a point to prove
9. Frank and Claire’s late night cigarettes would be replaced by a snifter of port and the conversation would always begin with a mundane chat about the weather
“Fierce cold today, Claire, wasn’t it?”
10. The dingy apartment where Frank meets with Zoe would be a Celtic Tiger place with storage heaters and a load of students next door
11. This meeting between Frank and Zoe would happen down the back of Heuston Station, but a pigeon would eventually disturb his plans
12. Raymond Tusk would be Michael O’Leary, working in the background to get in the President’s ear on aviation issues – and here, wearing a Ryanair-branded robe
“I’ll ground all the planes on you Frank.”
13. Frank’s debate on RTÉ would go horribly wrong when he gets tongue tied over basic Gaeilge when talking about education
“Me, tu, sé… eh…”
14. The President’s jobs programme would still be called “America Works” – but it would just be a pamphlet on how Irish college students can get jobs in the US when they’re on their J1
Launching America Works in the Áras:
“Eh, best to go to the big cities like New York and San Francisco – that’s where the jobs are. That’s where… America Works.”
15. And finally… Frank’s weekly address to the media would mostly take place at ribbon-cutting ceremonies for local GAA clubs
Real power.
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