ROLL THEM RRRRRRRRRRRRS and extend those vowels.

Why aye! Cheryl Cole’s in town this evening, meaning it’s Learn your…sorry, ‘Larn Yersel’, as they’d say themselves, Geordie time.

From Auf Wiedersehn Pet’s belligerent but misunderstood Oz to the lyrics of a Mark Knopfler song, it’s easy to get bogged down or mesmerised by the dreamlike qualities of Geordie Patois.

So first, try out a few key phrases that will make you comfortable with Newcastle’s hybrid of lowland Scots and an owl flying into piano wire.

Mastering any accent requires first having to do so, said the comedian Jimmy Carr. And for Geordie, that means saying:

‘Roller Coaster’

‘Pooper Scooper’

‘Umpa Lumpa’ and

‘Kawasaki’

Having done so, you can move on to sampling some useful words in the dialect itself. For example:

‘Nee’-No

‘Nowt’-Nothing

Armed with this depot of vocabularly, put the words together and form a sentence. For example:

‘Nee joy, Nee hope, Nee nowt.”

We turn to Oz here, who will demonstrate how this is done:

Feeling ready for a Geordie word hunt yet? Here you go then:

‘Aye’ – Yes

‘Aboot’ – About

‘Bairn’ – Child

‘A brooon’ – Ale

‘Doon’ – Down

‘Nee’ – No

‘Nowt’ – Nothing

‘Oot’ – Out

Your exercise for tonight? Decipher the following:

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