YOU SEE THIS?

This is coffee.

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This on the other hand? This is not coffee.

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It is a parody of coffee. A hot drink masquerading as coffee.

But make no mistake about it: it is not coffee.

Sure, instant coffee is convenient and easy to make, but it is to coffee what a Hot Cup is to soup — a gross, powdery wannabe.

Look at this beautiful cup of coffee.

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And look at this grim cup of instant coffee.

Brendan Walsh / Twitter Brendan Walsh / Twitter / Twitter

There’s a word for that shade of brown and it’s “sad”.

Instant coffee is essentially just disappointment in a cup. For a brief second, it tastes kind of like coffee and then you’re left with a cup of what tastes like watered down mud.

Do you know how many people throughout history have taken a sip of instant coffee and exclaimed, “What a lovely cup of instant coffee!”

0 people.

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Also, let’s be real: there’s nothing less appetising than the word “instant” put in front of any food/drink or indeed the instruction “just add water”.

“Just add water!” Will my tears suffice?

The only time it’s acceptable to drink instant coffee is:

• When you’re offered it in a relative’s house.
• When you’re at the afters of a funeral and an older lady offers you a cup from a giant vat.
• When you think you might legitimately die of tiredness and it’s the only option available to you.

Otherwise, it is completely unacceptable.

In short? Instant coffee is disgusting and ought to be taken out of supermarkets with immediate effect.

Thank you.

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