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AT THE WEEKEND came the news that Apple is thinking of ditching the regular headphone jack on the forthcoming iPhone 7.

Yep, doing away with the 3.5mm port that most devices have, and instead using headphones that plug in via a Lightning connection or via Bluetooth.

The reason: So that the iPhone 7 can be thinner than a piece of paper. Or something.

Apple. Catch a hold of yourself. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.

Like…

1. Can we have a charger cable longer than 3mm?

Seriously. Must we spend our days lying on the floor with our phones while they’re charging? WAS IS FOR THIS?

2. Can we have a cable that doesn’t start fraying if you look at it sideways?

iPhone cables are more fragile than the recently dumped at an Adele concert.

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3. Can we have a battery that doesn’t require unicorn tears to last longer than a few hours?

Please. We don’t care if the phone is twice as thick. We just want hour after blissful hour of Snapchat.

4. And while we’re at it can we stop the battery lies?

5. Can we have an iPhone update that doesn’t require us to delete everything from our phones and hand over several newborns while we’re at it?

“Update requires 5236GB. You have 2MB available”.

Oh.

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6. Can we pretend Apple Music never happened?

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If it wasn’t for Taylor Swift…

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7. Somebody stop the Autocorrect tyranny. Please. PLEASE.

Stop changing ‘x’ to ‘X’.

Stop changing ‘were’ to ‘we’re’.

And remember: people rarely want to use the word ‘ducking’.

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Please Apple. We don’t ask for much.

An Apple music exec said it’s difficult for women to find music and it’s caused a storm