WE IRISH ARE not known for being the most socially smooth of people.
This fact is particularly apparent at our funerals, where we can go from bumbling to downright tactless within seconds.
Out of caution and fear of offending someone, a great deal of very awkward things can happen very close together.
Internal panic over what to say to the mourners
Funerals are not the time to get creative, so you choose one line, and you mutter it as quickly as possible to each member of the extended family.
Sorry for your loss.
My deepest sympathies on the death of your ____.
Sorry. *sympathetic face*
Accidentally saying the wrong name
“Very sorry about your aunt.” Turn around, see the deceased is a male. You’ve been saying that all the way through, and everyone was too polite to correct you. NOOOOOO.
Suddenly becoming bad at shaking hands
You know how to shake hands. You do. It’s fairly easy actually. Why then do you suddenly lunge for someone’s wrist, or clutch pathetically at two of their fingers?
Losing the ability to make idle chat
“Sure doesn’t he look so lovely, just like himself.” You can’t think of anything less lovely. How do you respond to this? Mumble something in the affirmative and get away quickly.
Getting inappropriately weepy
You didn’t really know the deceased, but you empathise with their family to such an extent that you begin to get emotional. Now you’re crying, and the person next to you is visibly uncomfortable.
Feeling bad about having fun
You’re having a quiet chat with a friend outside the funeral home when stares alert you to the fact that you and your companion have been cackling loudly for the past minute or so. Oh god.
Worrying about how to make your exit
You don’t want to look like you’re in a hurry, but y’know, you’re in a hurry. How much time is enough time? What if they ask you back to the house for tea and sandwiches? DEAR GOD NO.
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