Roommate of your dreams.
Image: Gumtree
IF YOU LIVE in Belfast, and have a room to rent and a strong constitution, we may have the guy for you.
This 25-year-old says:
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You f**king found him.
The marketing agent has been living in Derry for a while, but has now landed a job in Belfast and needs somewhere to call home, so he’s posted an ad on Gumtree.
Some titbits about him:
- I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your sh*t. If you leave sh*t out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this sh*t, because it’s not mine.”
- I also read a lot. I f**king LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself.
- I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I F**KING LOVE PEOPLE.
- We can watch the sh*t out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!
If you have a room to rent in Belfast and he sounds like your kind of guy be assured that he owns “almost nothing” and in his car he’ll be bringing:
…two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one mobile-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip.
Among the things he’ll provide as a reference are:
- Facebook links
- background checks
- credit reports
- phone numbers
- resumes
- references
- awards
- sexual history
- pictures of karate trophies
- a list of the top 10 women he’d like to bang before he dies
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