IT’S NOT EASY being from this green island.
1. When someone says ‘go on, I’ll let you go’, you better fecking go
This isn’t a kind way of saying “I want to keep talking but I’m so worried I’m keeping you”. No, we want you to feck off asap.
2. “Do you want a cup of tea?” is just a formality
You’re HAVING A CUP OF TEA.
3. To get someone’s attention, you must first apologise
Sorry, is this seat taken?
On this point, if you’re keeping seats, you must put copious amounts of coats and bags on top of them so people will avoid asking you.
4. If someone asks you to do something “for the craic”, refusing is an absolute no no
Not doing the said activity is grounds for exclusion for life.
5. When driving in the country, not doing the little hand gesture to say hi is ignorant
6. Say thanks to the bus driver, for God’s sake
Yes, even if they miss your stop, make you late for your first child’s birth, and ask you to throw the buggy into a ditch before you get on, you just have to say thanks.
7. ‘How are you’, is not an invitation to tell us how you are
It’s just manners. Please pick a reply from:
- grand
- grand
- could be worse
- not too bad
- grand
8. ‘I will in a minute’ means it’s not getting done until next month
9. When ending a conversation on the phone, it’s rude to hang up without saying bye at least six times
Bye bye bye bye bye, bu bye.
10. ‘Well’ will suffice for hello
Don’t take it to be rude or accusatory, it’s not.
11. If you agree to go for a pint, you’ve made a verbal contract to go for at least four and you must honor it
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