IT’S NOT EASY being from this green island.

1. When someone says ‘go on, I’ll let you go’, you better fecking go

This isn’t a kind way of saying “I want to keep talking but I’m so worried I’m keeping you”. No, we want you to feck off asap.

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2. “Do you want a cup of tea?” is just a formality

You’re HAVING A CUP OF TEA.

Chill Mimi Chill Mimi

3. To get someone’s attention, you must first apologise

Sorry, is this seat taken?

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On this point, if you’re keeping seats, you must put copious amounts of coats and bags on top of them so people will avoid asking you.

4. If someone asks you to do something “for the craic”, refusing is an absolute no no

Not doing the said activity is grounds for exclusion for life.

Alan Cleaver Alan Cleaver

5. When driving in the country, not doing the little hand gesture to say hi is ignorant

cyrilhelnwein cyrilhelnwein

6. Say thanks to the bus driver, for God’s sake

Yes, even if they miss your stop, make you late for your first child’s birth, and ask you to throw the buggy into a ditch before you get on, you just have to say thanks.

Mark Stedman Rolling News Mark Stedman Rolling News

7. ‘How are you’, is not an invitation to tell us how you are

It’s just manners. Please pick a reply from:

• grand
• grand
• could be worse
• not too bad
• grand

8. ‘I will in a minute’ means it’s not getting done until next month

benjaflynn benjaflynn

9. When ending a conversation on the phone, it’s rude to hang up without saying bye at least six times

Bye bye bye bye bye, bu bye.

Martin Cathrae Martin Cathrae

10. ‘Well’ will suffice for hello

Don’t take it to be rude or accusatory, it’s not.

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11. If you agree to go for a pint, you’ve made a verbal contract to go for at least four and you must honor it

Matt From London Matt From London

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