IN SHOCKING NEWS today, it turns out that the average man only learns how to use a washing machine by the age of 24.
Now, that particular survey may or may not be 100% accurate, but there are some important life skills that lads over the age of 25 should have mastered by now:
1. The perfect urinal stance
Eyes stay above a definite level and no eye contact shall ever be made.
This is a universal rule and if someone haven’t nailed it by 25 then their friends need to have a quiet word.
2. How to deal with people in your house doing jobs
You have absolutely no knowledge of why the sink is broken, but you now feel the need to at least acknowledge there is a problem and make friendly chatter/banter with him. it mostly involves you nodding sagely as they describe the technical problem.
3. Having a basic knowledge of sporting events to bluff your way through tiresome small talk
We’re not talking actual knowledge here. But when you’re stuck at a family function chatting to that Uncle for ten minutes, it might help to know that one national team played another national team last week.
4. Addressing bouncers correctly on a night out
You’re not asked for ID anymore so you just need to give the doorperson a gentle nod and hello. There is absolutely no need to try and be his best friend and talk your way in any more.
You’re legitimate now. You’re an adult with no need to bring that passport out.
5. A detailed knowledge of round etiquette
When it’s OK to not involve yourself and when to excuse yourself. How to handle it when you have to leave early.
These are all key lessons that should have been learned after a massive rounds debacle that tore apart friendships when you were 23.
6. Knowing what clothes actually fit you
That really baggy pair of jeans seemed legit when you were 19, but there is a magical line some time in your 20s that make such clothing a travesty to humanity.
7. And what makes a good pair of shoes
Suddenly your life becomes filled with things that you just can’t wear your trusty Vans to. It’s a sad, but inevitable, part of moving past your college days.
8. Learning how to make conversation with a proper stranger
A key skill in life, and one that gets more important as you race through your 20s.
9. Having different answers about your life prepared depending on the audience
There are times to unleash the truth and there are times to hold the tongue. Telling your Aunt what you actually did last night when she asks might seem like delightful honesty, but it usually turns awkward fast.
10. How to cook one impressive-sounding meal by yourself
One will do.
Learning one meal and being able to execute it makes you seem like a suave, competent human being.
11. Make it seem like you know what you’re doing while having sex
Again, it’s not like you have to have actual expertise, just giving off the impression that you know what you’re doing helps men of a certain age (over 25) look distinguished.
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