THESE PUB RULES in a drinking hole in Rathfarnham have gone down a storm on the internet.

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We’re not convinced they go far enough though.

Here are some to-the-point commandments every pub needs to print out and hang up…

1. You can mind up to two stools for your friends, any more than that and you’re a gowl

Strychnine Strychnine

“Sorry, we have seven more people coming”

Sorry, you’re a gowl.

2. It’s okay to horse into someone’s cheese and onion*, but not their Bacon Fries

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Bacon fries are approx €17 per bag and there are around 8 in each bag. Back off.

*the bag must have been already opened out wide on the table, as is customary

3. If you insist on drinking at the bar when it’s busy then we’re afraid you’re going to get the back elbowed off you

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*Extreme ‘I’m sorry but I’m really not’ face*

If you really insist on sitting there then you’re going to have to help; passing drinks out, translating orders if it’s loud, etc.

4. You can get three Jagerbombs out of one Red Bull

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Any fewer than that and you’re just being flashy.

5. Order the Guinness first, you gom

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Always, always, always order the Guinness first. You gom.

6. If there’s someone waiting at the bar who you know in your heart was there before you, do the decent thing

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Were you dragged up? No? Well then wait your turn. People who don’t wait are a shower of shites.

7. A beer mat across the top of a drink must always be respected

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It’s the universal symbol for “gone for a smoke/to the jacks”. Respect it. Do not take the stool. Do not hog the table.

8. The one night you should heed the bouncer/barperson when they should “are you right there folks PLEASE” the first time is Christmas Eve

☺ Lee J Haywood ☺ Lee J Haywood

It’s the commonly accepted Law of Soundness that you should clear out ASAP  on Christmas Eve, because we do all actually have homes to go to.

9. Respect the rules of the round

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• Stand your round 
• Once in a blue moon, if you’re on the wrong side of payday, you can opt out of the round by buying a drink only for the person who opted you into the round. The others in the round should silently acknowledge that you’re using a Get Out Of Jail Free card. Do not abuse this card and do not take the piss
• Even if you’re not drinking alcohol, you’re still in the round unless you excuse yourself from the round. Pints of Lucozade are pricey!
• If someone doesn’t want to be in a round, respect this. They have their reasons

A Rathfarnham pub’s ‘rules’ went down a storm on the internet>