Advertisement
Dublin: 1 °C Friday 22 November, 2024

'I was terrified of my own voice:' GBBO's Kim-Joy on life with severe social anxiety

‘I feared rejection so much.’

KIM-JOY HEWLITT was undoubtedly one of this year’s more memorable Great British Bake-Off contestants.

The Great British Bake Off 2018 Book Signing - London EMPICS Entertainment EMPICS Entertainment

And while she ultimately lost out to Rahul Mandal in the final of the long-running series, she won tens of thousands of new fans following weeks spent in the GBBO tent.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, the 27-year-old explained that she began baking in an effort to overcome severe social anxiety.

“If you make something, it makes people like you. It’s just about making people happy, I guess,” she said.

Casting her mind back to her childhood, Kim-Joy recalls relocating to the UK from Belgium at the age of nine, and struggling to integrate with her classmates.

I didn’t really speak when I was at school, I was pretty much mute. I would talk at home, and sometimes I whispered to people, but I was very careful about who could hear me talk; I didn’t want people to know that I could. I would say it was severe social anxiety.

Kim, who has completed a masters in psychology, acknowledged that while this behaviour is common among young children, it is seen less frequently among adolescents.

There’s selective mutism as well, but a lot of that is in really young children, and this was at secondary school. So I don’t know if I fit the criteria. But I don’t really believe in criteria anyway.

“I was always trying to break out of my shell because I knew that wasn’t really me. But who was I?” she continued.

Like many teenagers who struggled to integrate, Kim-Joy hoped that entry into third-level would bring an end to social anxiety, and signal a new chapter in her story.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case, and she continued to struggle in social situations.

I thought: ‘I’m just going to start being me.’ But when I got there, I really didn’t know how to talk to people, I’d not interacted that much. I would just say really weird things.

Kim sought solace in baking, and over time learned how to interact with others.

I started making friends by baking. And I’ve got a lot more normal as time’s gone on.

Yesterday, Kim-Joy shared the interview with her followers on Instagram, and elaborated on her experience of social anxiety.

I had rules about who could hear me and who couldn’t. I was terrified of the sound of my own voice. I didn’t want people to know I could talk normally or that I had a personality, because I feared rejection so much.

Like she told The Guardian, Kim-Joy acknowledges the strides she has made, but admits that she rarely makes it though a day without experiencing moments of social anxiety.

I have come a long way since then but still experience moments of social anxiety most days. Worrying that people don’t like me, and when they do like me, I worry about when I will disappoint them and they will stop liking me. Even though I know this makes no sense.

“I think social anxiety is a life long journey for most people. And it’s definitely something that has made me who I am,” she concluded.

DailyEdge is on Instagram!

Close
Comments
This is YOUR comments community. Stay civil, stay constructive, stay on topic. Please familiarise yourself with our comments policy here before taking part.
Leave a Comment
    Submit a report
    Please help us understand how this comment violates our community guidelines.
    Thank you for the feedback
    Your feedback has been sent to our team for review.

    Leave a commentcancel