YOUR MAM IS expecting big things tomorrow. BIG things.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. At least you’ll be able to recognise these signs of rage and be able to act accordingly.

1. One immediate sign is this

They just keep coming, waiting to be discovered

She has something to give out to you about, or she’ll give out for you not answering her. Either way, there’ll be giving out involved

2. This is also a massive indicator that she’s PROBABLY mad to the point of disowning you

3. Another huge clue can be found in her texts

They’ll never be harsh, just subtle. Subtle and CRUEL.

Why doesn’t she just stab you in the heart?

4. Has she said that everything is ‘grand’? She’s ENRAGED

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Warning: This woman is not grand at all, and you will suffer the wrath.

5. Why would there be something wrong with her?

WHY? No, really, throw out some reasons there, take a guess.

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6. She just used your full name

Ah, the classic. Instead of pet, chicken, darling or Joey, it’s ‘Joseph Patrick Thomas O’Sullivan’.

You’re dead. Run the opposite direction from which the voice is coming.

7. You haven’t received a text from her for a whole day

Check if the world has ended.

If that’s a no, and it’s reached 6pm without a text from your mam, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be in trouble.

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8. She’s comparing you to a sibling or relation

Well Margaret’s youngest is going on holiday with her this year, up to Knock. Where is it you’re off to again? Ibiza?

She’s a lovely young one. Pleasant.

9. There are no enquiries about your living conditions and lifestyle

You stored up all your complaints. Your house is freezing, you’re not eating well, and you can’t afford a good strong coat.

But does she ask ONCE? No. The no-concern treatment is in play.

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