EVERY MORNING, we dig through the celebrity dirt to bring you the best of it. Here’s The Dredge…

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are due to show their faces in the same place for the first time since K-Stew’s unfortunate car-based smooch with Rupert Sanders. The pair will reportedly both appear tonight at the MTV Video Music Awards in LA. (Bang Showbiz)

However, Stewart’s range of expression will be seriously restricted as her middle finger – the one she needs to flip off Karl Lagerfeld – is in a sling, presumably from overuse. (Mail Online, E! Online)

Perhaps because of this handicap, K-Stew appears to have been attempting to send a message to R-Patz by other means: by stepping out in one of his old t-shirts. Frankly, we wouldn’t have picked a tacky one that says “Irie Jamaica”, but whatever. (Mail Online)

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The Words

Orange Yeti: What Geri Halliwell’s body does not resemble, according to a touching description from Russell Brand, who insisted to an audience that she doesn’t have ginger “hair on her back … She’s not like some hairy Jaffa Cake bear.” Perhaps that was the problem, as he’s now gone off with a 24-year-old drama student. (The Sun)

Not an Orange Yeti, according to sources (John Phillips/UK Press/Press Association Images)

Home movie: How Kanye West coyly refers to Kim Kardashian’s notorious career-making sex tape, apparently. Perhaps this is why Kim has said Kanye is her “perfect match”, adding in a touchingly-grammar free intervention: “Kids is something I want.” (Radar, Mail Online)

Is kids something they want? (Charles Guerin/ABACA USA/Empics Entertainment)

SP (Suppressive Person): What Nicole Kidman’s own children were allegedly instructed to call her, by Scientology authorities. The Church has been accused in a new report (which it denies) of turning Nicole’s children against her as she declined to embrace its teachings while married to Tom Cruise. (Radar/Vanity Fair)

Nicole Kidman and her children. Don’t they look suppressed? (Kevork Djansezian/AP/Press Association Images)

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The Dirt

Ronan Keating’s new album has only sold 181 copies in its first week. (Irish Daily Mail)

Ryan Gosling is reportedly being mooted to star in Fifty Shades of Grey. (E! Online)

Kate Middleton is pregnant, according to a totally reliable report which cites the fact that “a woman can always tell.” (Hollywood Life)

Brian McFadden was stood up at the altar by his best man, Aussie TV host Kyle Sandilands, during his wedding at the weekend. (Irish Daily Mirror)

Still… waiting… (Leon Farrell/Photocall Ireland)

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The Barrel Scraper

It was caused by a “spicy treatment”. (Radar)

Yesterday’s Dredge: Prince Harry’s party girl was really more of a woman>