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These days, I can barely endure the stilted shuffle I am forced to do behind people, who move so slowly their Fitbit likely assumes they’ve died, without feeling my blood pressure rising.
Nor can I cope with people who take over the footpath when deciding to use it as a spot to socialise. Either move in against the wall and have your full-blown conversation out of people’s way or accept that everyone who squeezes past you would happily knock you into the path of an oncoming truck.
And it’s not just pedestrian rage I experience; it’s well everything.
I have no patience when queueing, waiting for an email reply, waiting for a computer to update, waiting for toast to pop, being put on hold, and so on and so forth.
And I get that none of the above is anyone’s favourite way to spend time, but Christ Almighty, the older I get the more I become like Larry David.
Oh, and here are just some other thoughts I share with the man.
1. Unless we’re best friends, I probably don’t want to be there.
2. Believe me; up until the moment I’m walking out the door, you are free to pie me in the face with a big old ‘can’t make it’ text.
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3. And honestly, you don’t even have to make up some bogus excuse.
4. I might not be yelling, but I’m throwing stink-eyes for humanity as a whole.
5. Unless it’s bed.
6. How long are we required to do this for? Asking for a friend.
7. Except when the handshake is forced upon me, that is.
8. When I wait an appropriate amount of time to avoid stepping in front of someone’s photo, and they start taking the piss with re-shoots.
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Monday 23 December, 2024
Monday 23 December, 2024
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A handy (and definitive) list of the ways I relate to Larry David on an emotional level
THE OLDER I get the more horrendously impatient I become.
These days, I can barely endure the stilted shuffle I am forced to do behind people, who move so slowly their Fitbit likely assumes they’ve died, without feeling my blood pressure rising.
Nor can I cope with people who take over the footpath when deciding to use it as a spot to socialise. Either move in against the wall and have your full-blown conversation out of people’s way or accept that everyone who squeezes past you would happily knock you into the path of an oncoming truck.
And it’s not just pedestrian rage I experience; it’s well everything.
I have no patience when queueing, waiting for an email reply, waiting for a computer to update, waiting for toast to pop, being put on hold, and so on and so forth.
And I get that none of the above is anyone’s favourite way to spend time, but Christ Almighty, the older I get the more I become like Larry David.
Oh, and here are just some other thoughts I share with the man.
1. Unless we’re best friends, I probably don’t want to be there.
2. Believe me; up until the moment I’m walking out the door, you are free to pie me in the face with a big old ‘can’t make it’ text.
3. And honestly, you don’t even have to make up some bogus excuse.
4. I might not be yelling, but I’m throwing stink-eyes for humanity as a whole.
5. Unless it’s bed.
6. How long are we required to do this for? Asking for a friend.
7. Except when the handshake is forced upon me, that is.
8. When I wait an appropriate amount of time to avoid stepping in front of someone’s photo, and they start taking the piss with re-shoots.
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A Larry David Life Zero Patience