LOCAL NIGHTCLUBS ARE only there so you don’t have to go to town. They all seem to be the same, but sure what choice have you?

1. The floor is constantly sticky

Local nightclubs do not entertain the idea of a mop. Little is known of the substances creating the adhesive, and for this, we are all better off.

Shutterstock Shutterstock

2. It has had about 19 different names, and is constantly relaunching

The name almost always sounds like it was picked off the Periodic table or ripped off an old Apprentice team.

Fusion, Zinc, Eclipse, Pure, Genesis, Kinetic, Magna, Velocity… Team or nightclub?

3. It can be found beside an actual pub or part of a hotel

It’s a party in the back, business in the front.

Glenroyalhotelkildare Glenroyalhotelkildare

4. Being a culchie is almost encouraged

You’re not allowed wear runners in a city nightclub, but go to your local and you get freebies in exchange.

Genesis Genesis

5. The bar is always placed at the worst corner, and is impossible to get to

palacenightclubtullamore palacenightclubtullamore

6. Shots taste suspiciously like syrup, and are served in little plastic shot glasses

genesis.athlone genesis.athlone

7. The local laptop DJ has been playing the same set since forever

Don’t Stop Believin is on? We have an hour left.

waitscm waitscm

8. The only superstar DJs that play are always just tributes

9. Is that vodka, or water?

kalleboo kalleboo

10. The mixers are mank and always from a spray. A SINGLE SPRAY

Sodabarsystem Sodabarsystem

11. All the furniture is circular

Sorry is this chair free? * Rolls across the dancefloor*

ProGlobal ProGlobal

12. Look out for sort of dry ice fixture on the dancefloor

Chauvetdjblog Chauvetdjblog

A list of times dry ice has enhanced any dancefloor:

13. The lighting always leaves a lot to be desired

ClubinDublin ClubinDublin

It’s like they were designed using these:

Etsy Etsy

14. There’s always a door deal

Blazers Blazers

15. And security who seem to think they’re guarding the Aras

11 appalling trends you will DEFINITELY spot in an Irish nightclub>

The 9 types of dancer in an Irish nightclub>