MASTERCHEF IRELAND IS back and they’re looking for contestants.

Do you fancy yourself as a bit of a chef? Well, you’re not going to win Masterchef without knowing a thing or two about how real gourmet food works.

There are some trade secrets you need to know. But don’t worry, DailyEdge.ie is willing to share them with you.

Downsize

It’s not nouvelle cuisine if it isn’t tiny and completely unsatisfying.

Image: WikiMedia Commons

Foaming at the mouth

We don’t think it counts as a fancy restaurant unless at least 50% of the ingredients are blended into an entirely pointless foam.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Make stinks

You can’t serve any average cheddar as your cheese course. It must smell so bad that you actually briefly blacked out from the fumes in the kitchen.

Image: WikiMedia Commons

Smear things

Just smear things across that damn plate. If you smeared baked beans across a plate, you’d be disgusting, but if it’s a red wine jus you’re totally good.

Image: Flickr/malias

And while you’re at it…

Smearing isn’t enough. You also need to drizzle things.

Olive oil, coulis, whatever. Drizzle those mothers.

Image: Laughter is catching

Stack it

If in doubt, just stack all the dinner ingredients on top of each other. Why, you ask? Don’t ask questions, that’s why.

Image: Flickr/Jerome

Random pairings

Sausages and meringue? Sure. Onions and icing sugar? Go for it. Banana with a side of red wine? You’re on track for the Masterchef gold.

Image: Gourmet

There you have it. You’re probably amazing at cooking after reading this. No need to thank us. Just share your Masterchef winnings, alright?

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