Cathal Noonan / INPHO Cathal Noonan / INPHO / INPHO

MAYO, THOUGH NOT entirely successful in its recent efforts in the sport, is a Gaelic football county. You can’t escape it.

It’s everywhere, from primary schools to Facebook to the red and green bunting strewn around the towns and villages.

But what if you don’t give a tuppence about GAA at all? Well, you keep it to yourself. And you don’t tell anyone these things. Ever.

1. First of all, we can’t exactly say when Mayo last won the Sam Maguire

Cathal Noonan / INPHO Cathal Noonan / INPHO / INPHO

An astonishing faux pas, we’re aware. We do know it was a loooong time ago, though?

2. And we don’t really get the yearly mourning

Donall Farmer / INPHO Donall Farmer / INPHO / INPHO

“THE CURSE! WE’RE CURSED!” But we’re not dead? That has to count for something.

3. The #Mayo4Sam stuff is kind of mortifying

Sorry. SORRY.

But seeing a celebrity holding a #Mayo4Sam sign does not warm our hearts. It makes us think: “They haven’t a clue what that even means.”

4. Some of those Mayo jokes are funny

Whoops!

We couldn't find this Tweet

OH, COME ON! You have to laugh.

5. And the Green and Red of Mayo is not that good

When one of the nicest thing you can pick out about a county is its “soft and craggy bogland”… Just saying.

6. Croke Park on match day is our idea of hell

Ryan Byrne / INPHO Ryan Byrne / INPHO / INPHO

We’re getting all itchy just thinking about it.

7. And going to the pub? Forget about it

Whoops!

We couldn't find this Tweet

IS NOWHERE SAFE?

8. We will never, ever know about the match

Most of the time we will tell you so.

Shutterstock Shutterstock

Other times (other very, very bad times) we’ll blandly follow your lead, say something about this being “our year” and try to get away very quickly.

9. Nor what the names of the players/what they look like

Facebook / AIB GAA Facebook / AIB GAA / AIB GAA

Someone will ask, “Did you see Aidan O’Shea’s picture on the side of the AIB on O’Connell Street?” And you will stare at them blankly.

10. And *whispers* the colours red and green don’t look nice together

Elverys.ie Elverys.ie

Very harsh on the eyes. Just our opinion.

Dáithí Ó Sé got dropped on his arse on RTÉ News>

A pensioner lost his phone in Kilkenny, and an epic search began to get it back to him>