OVER THE PAST few months, I have been tormented by an ad that is so fundamentally untrue, it surely breaches some kind of code of advertising. Hell, it might even warrant some sort of complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland.

I am, of course, talking about ads and marketing materials for Michael Bublé’s forthcoming concert in Croke Park, which bill him as The King of Cool. At first, I thought I had misheard the booming voice on the radio.

Maybe he said King of… Pool? Maybe Michael Bublé is a very competent snooker player? After all, you often hear of people who make their living from one thing, but are secretly excellent at another thing. Like how the actor who plays Luke in Modern Family is actually a member of Mensa in real life.

My next theory was that this was a King of Tory Island situation. Maybe Michael Bublé hails from a tiny Canadian island called Cool and had been bestowed with this honorary title.. Maybe he was like, “Okay, okay, I’ll call myself the King of Cool because it’ll be good for tourism and I want to put my tiny island on the map.”

Both of these theories were far fetched, yes, but ultimately more believable than Michael Bublé being the King of Cool. His name alone precludes him from holding that title. It’s basically Mickey Bubbles.

Don’t get me wrong. Michael Bublé is an eminently talented and charming performer. Were I to meet him, I’m sure I would descend into a fit of giggles and be able to make eye contact with him.

But Michael Bublé also makes a living from singing pleasant covers of popular songs. His genres speak for themselves: smooth jazz, easy listening, traditional pop. Smooth, easy, traditional. There’s a lot to be said for these traits, but are they… cool?

I wondered whether this moniker was the work of an overzealous promoter in Ireland. A little bit of internet research, however, confirmed that Michael Bublé has been traveling the globe and proclaiming, “It is I, the King of Cool,” for years now.

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This is what he is known as in The Netherlands.

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To which I say: what a cunning scam artist! Crowning yourself The King of Cool and insisting everyone address you as such when it is demonstrably untrue is quite the power move. It still doesn’t make him cool, though.

Michael Bublé is the King of Cool if the kingdom’s only other residents are Ryan Tubridy and Daniel O’Donnell. Bring Nathan Carter into the fold and he might have a challenger.

A more fitting title might be King of Bowties or King of Mams Saying, ‘Oh, He’s Lovely’.

Maybe we can all learn a little something from Michael Bublé and his chancer-y ways. Maybe I’ll start calling myself Ireland’s Answer to Rihanna and pray it catches on.

Who knows where it will get me?

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