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15 television shows that would never in a million years work outside of Ireland

Ah, Ireland.

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Karl Spain Wants A Woman A dating show in which comedian and eligible bachelor Karl Spain tries his utmost to find a woman. Any woman at all.

Fáilte Towers A competition that ran over sixteen days and saw 13 celebrities take over  the management of a hotel in Co. Louth. (John Creedon was the eventual winner.)

Hector Goes Courtin’ As part of his Hector Goes… series, Hector went courtin’ and learned all about the intricacies of modern dating. Let yourself go, etc.

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Pioc Do Ride A dating show in which one person would choose a date based on the inside of their cars. The winner could then choose between going on a date or getting an Advanced Pitstop voucher. Rejections have never been so cruel.

Danger – Amanda At Work A TV3 show in which Amanda Brunker tries her hand at a vast array of dangerous jobs. In one memorable episode, she went out to sea in a trawler and witnessed firsthand the horrors of fishing quotas.

Ireland’s Ultimate Debutante A ruthless reality show in which Roz Purcell, ‘etiquette expert’ Noel Cunningham and stylist Courtney Smith crown Ireland’s ultimate debutante i.e. gal going to her debs.

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Jockey Eile In which aspiring jockeys go head to head in a bid to… win a jockeys licence.

Feirm Factor Literally X Factor for farmers. Farmers compete in agricultural tasks to be named the nation’s finest farmer.

Celebrity Bainisteoir In which extremely Irish celebrities like Gerald Kean, John Waters, Mary O’Rourke and Nell McAfferty manage smalltime GAA teams and go head to head in a deciding fixture.

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Guess Who’s Dead A show in which Fr Dougal explores Irish people’s fascination with death. No, really.

Wanderlust The most Y2K show ever. Irish people compete to go on a holiday and chat to romantic prospects from said holiday destination in seedy chatrooms. Hosted by Brendan Courtney, because of course.

Celebrity Salon In which a truly grim selection of British and Irish celebrities like Georgia Salpa and Callum Best learn to cut hair.

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Dublin Wives The most Celtic Tiger show ever. TV3′s attempt to muscle in on the rich housewives reality genre. It starred Lisa Murphy, Virginia Macari and Roz Flanagan, among others.

SÓS In which a group of contestants are sent to the wilds of Connemara and left to fend for themselves.

The Toy Show Finally, the most watched show in the country. A show about toys that adults tune into in their millions to drink, coo at children and say things like, “Ryan is very giddy tonight, isn’t he?” What could be more Irish?

 

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