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Dublin: 15 °C Saturday 23 November, 2024

8 lies you tell yourself when you get a new phone

No more dodgy chargers, yeah?

1. “Honestly, I’m going to keep my old one for emergencies.”

Four months later and you’re scrambling in your drawers before EP to find it to bring. Eh, how much is insurance again?

2. “Yeah, I’m definitely going to let it run completely down the first time, sure you wreck the battery otherwise.”

Good one – it’s only on 14% and I can see you twitching from here.

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3. “Here, I’m never taking the screen protector off. EVER. I’ve learned my lesson.”

Cut to your furiously trying to push the air pockets out of it.

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4. “I’m never taking it out of the Otterbox, I don’t care how ugly it is.”

You do care though really, don’t you? It kind of wrecks your mirror selfie buzz. I mean, what’s the point in buying a rose gold phone if nobody knows it’s rose gold?

Again, cut to your hockeying it off the table the one night you don’t have the case on it. Smash, crackle and pop.

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5. “No more dodgy €5 chargers! Only the REAL deal for me from now on!”

That is, until your one kicks the bucket a good two and a half weeks before pay day and the thought of paying more €25+ for a posh cable leaves you shaking with rage.

6. “Oh, and I defo won’t leave it charging over night, sure did you hear about the fella who left it under his pillow and it exploded and caught on fire?!”

But how are you going to keep up with the likes you’re getting on your #LoveIsland tweets hun? Can’t do that on a dead battery.

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7. “Yep, I’m going to regularly go through all my photos and delete anything I don’t need.”

Hmm, what about this meme that hasn’t been relevant since 2014? Better keep it. Just in case. Y’know?

8. “You know? I’m going to read every single one of my emails as it comes in this time. No more crazy notifications! And I mean, with that whole GDPR thing I probably won’t even be getting emails …”

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