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Dublin: 1 °C Thursday 21 November, 2024

An important and definitive ranking of Kinder chocolates

Definitive.

WE ALL KNOW that Kinder is the greatest chocolate. But which bars are the best?

We know.

9. Milk slice

How dull can you get? Pass.

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8. Country Crisp

Please. We are not here to be healthy, keep your cereals to yourself. You’re RUINING IT.

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7. Kinder Pingui

Cold, soggy, and void of any delicious milky chocolate goodness. NO.

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6. Delice

Another one that tastes like its been in the freezer too long. No thanks. We’ll take it with the Tesco meal deal if we’re desperate, but never one to make the top of the list.

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5. Maxi

What is this? A chocolate bar for ants? You have to eat at least a dozen of these before you feel in any way satisfied.

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4. Kinder Joy

This is just disappointing. It’s like a Kinder Egg, but contains a little spoon, a crunchy bit of chocolate, and a filling of white chocolate. It tastes like broken dreams, avoid.

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3. Happy Hippos

Who doesn’t love a happy hippo? It’s got all the joy of  a Bueno, but in a little hippo suit. Crunching its head off has never been so pleasurable. Loses points for the size though, c’mon, we’d eat one the size of a real life hippo.

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2. Kinder Surprise

This would potentially be number one if we were still kids, owing its joy to the little toy inside. But instead, it’s now just a hollow egg with too little of the delicious chocolate to enjoy. Upsetting.

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1. Kinder Bueno

Bueno. Light and crunchy and you’ll see, what a chocolate bite this can be, buuuueno! By far the superior Kinder treat. We welcome you to fight us on it.

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