WE DON’T WANT to jinx it, but a heatwave might be headed for Ireland next week.

Met Éireann is reporting that Tuesday will have good sunshine with temperatures reaching 20 to 24 degrees. By Wednesday, temperatures are expected to climb to 26 degrees.

And we don’t even know what Thursday and Friday will bring such is the nature of five-day forecasts!

With temperatures set to climb, you could fall prey to some of the following pitfalls.

Stay alert.

1. Friday afternoon: women will idly wander into the bikini section of Penneys

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The words “26 degrees” will conjure up images of Rihanna sunbathing on a yacht and you’ll toy with the idea of buying a new bikini “just in case” you end up going to the beach.

You will see 67 other women in Penneys doing the exact same thing.

2. Saturday morning: people lucky enough to have both (a) gardens and (b) barbecues will be flooded with texts

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Texts that read, “How are you keeping? We should have a barbecue. I’ll bring the sausages, haha”.

3. Saturday morning, later:  ”cheap barbecues” will be the most Googled search term in Ireland

F*** it, I’ll just get one myself.

4. Sunday morning: everyone will be wearing sunglasses

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Which will inevitably lead to sunglasses envy and you cursing yourself for always losing yours.

5. Sunday afternoon: we will reach peak beer garden

Conscious that you have work all week, you’ll make a special effort to go for a pint on Sunday afternoon.

Only to realise that everyone else in the country has had the same thought and there are no seats left in any beer garden anywhere. Shite.

6. Monday afternoon: your Twitter timeline will be filled with angry tweets asking where the heatwave is

“Some heatwave!” they’ll scoff.

7. Monday night: 4.1 million people will tune into the weather forecast

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As we plead with Evelyn Cusack to give us some “good news”.

8. Monday night, later: guards will be called to your house for a “disturbance” after you tear the wardrobe apart

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“I just needed to find a top I could breathe in,” you’ll tell a sympathetic guard. “Something I won’t sweat in.”

9. Tuesday morning: your commute to work will involve people just saying the word “glorious” at each other

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By God, it’s glorious!

10. Tuesday morning, later: national productivity levels will dip significantly as people look longingly out the window

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And look at your phone every few minutes to see what the temperature is now.

“17 degrees now,” you’ll inform your colleague.

11. Tuesday afternoon: people in Dublin Airport will begin to wonder if the sun is conspiring against them

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Oh sure, it’s pissing rain all summer and the second I’m leaving, the sun comes out.

T-Y-P-I-C-A-L.

12. Tuesday afternoon: people will call into Liveline complaining that there’s not a paddling pool to be got

And thus the great Paddling Pool Shortage of 2015 will commence.

13. Tuesday evening: your Facebook feed will be filled with people having “cheeky sunshine pints”

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14. Wednesday morning: the work bathroom will smell like anti-perspirant as everyone starts to melt

The struggle will begin to get very, very real.

15. Wednesday afternoon: one brave colleague will say that he/she thinks it’s “too hot” and you’ll feel less alone

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IT IS TOO HOT. THANK YOU.

Happy heatwave!

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