BEHOLD, LADIES AND gentlemen, the greatest police report you will ever read.

A police report from San Diego, California, was posted to Reddit a few days ago.

What ensues is a rollicking tale of drunkenness, raccoons and breathalysers.

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Our favourite excerpts?

He went into the park where he captured a raccoon rummaging in a trash receptacle. Individual utilised the raccoon to blow into the interlock system successfully.

Now, we have not been able to prove the authenticity of this police report. (And indeed there are a few skeptics in the original Reddit thread.)

But the image of a raccoon blowing into a breathalyser is just *too* beautiful to dismiss.

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We live in hope.

Update: it’s a hoax.

The San Diego Union-Tribune reports that the story is sadly fake.

…the official incident number featured in the post was a giveaway, since Camp Pendleton police records use a different system. Just to be thorough, though, the officials who work with police records on base went through the incident logs and found no breathalyzer incidents involving raccoons.

:(

Updated 3.15pm

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