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Translation: Zooey Deschanel left the house. But because that’s not that interesting, we’re going to say “resurface” and make it sound like she gave birth in an underground bunker.
4. “Jennifer Garner looks pensive on the set of new movie in Atlanta…”
Translation: Here’s a photo of Jennifer Garner with a relatively blank expression on her face that we’re going to try our best to link to recent events in her personal life.
5. “Kendall Jenner narrowly avoids a wardrobe malfunction…”
Translation: To be honest, we were hoping for a wardrobe malfunction, but since that didn’t happen, we’re just going to say she “narrowly avoided” one.
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6. “Body confident Helen Mirren, 69, shows off her impressive form in a fitted lilac swimsuit as she worships the sun alone in Ischia…”
Translation: Mila Kunis actually looks basically the same, but any excuse to share a slightly unflattering photo.
10. “Drew Barrymore covers up in a baggy shirt… days after saying she was in no rush to lose her baby weight”
Translation: And we’re certainly not going to put any pressure on her to lose weight. Nope, not at all. But if she steps outside the house wearing anything but a skin-tight top “flaunting” her bod, we will mention it.
Friday 8 November, 2024
Friday 8 November, 2024
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10 absolutely ridiculous tabloid headlines about celebrities, translated
AH, TABLOID HEADLINES.
So flowery. But what are they really trying to say?
We took a look…
1. “Amy Schumer shows off her VERY ample assets in a plunging white mini dress…”
Translation: Amy Schumer has boobs. But because that’s not a very polite thing to put in a headline, we’re going to refer to them as “ample assets”.
2. “Taylor Swift puts on a leggy display in tiny flared skirt teamed with plunging bralet…”
Translation: Taylor Swift wore a skirt. That’s literally it.
3. “Zooey Deschanel, Jacob Pechenik Resurface Following Secret Wedding, Birth of Daughter”
Translation: Zooey Deschanel left the house. But because that’s not that interesting, we’re going to say “resurface” and make it sound like she gave birth in an underground bunker.
4. “Jennifer Garner looks pensive on the set of new movie in Atlanta…”
Translation: Here’s a photo of Jennifer Garner with a relatively blank expression on her face that we’re going to try our best to link to recent events in her personal life.
5. “Kendall Jenner narrowly avoids a wardrobe malfunction…”
Translation: To be honest, we were hoping for a wardrobe malfunction, but since that didn’t happen, we’re just going to say she “narrowly avoided” one.
6. “Body confident Helen Mirren, 69, shows off her impressive form in a fitted lilac swimsuit as she worships the sun alone in Ischia…”
Translation: Helen Mirren looks really well, so let’s attempt to take her down a notch by mentioning (a) her age and (b) the fact that she’s “alone”.
Did we mention she’s 69?
7. “Demi Lovato Flaunts Toned Booty, Cute Puppy in Bikini Pic”
Translation: Demi Lovato has both an arse and a dog.
8. “Michelle Rodriguez displays her sculpted physique…”
Translation: Michelle Rodriguez is wearing a bikini and we are running out of ways to convey this.
9. “Who’s that girl? Make-up free Mila Kunis looks unrecognisable after sweaty session at the gym”
Translation: Mila Kunis actually looks basically the same, but any excuse to share a slightly unflattering photo.
10. “Drew Barrymore covers up in a baggy shirt… days after saying she was in no rush to lose her baby weight”
Translation: And we’re certainly not going to put any pressure on her to lose weight. Nope, not at all. But if she steps outside the house wearing anything but a skin-tight top “flaunting” her bod, we will mention it.
That’s all.
Kim Kardashian just posted a completely naked selfie to prove she’s not faking her pregnancy…
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Celebrities cracking the code Daily Mail Tabloids