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13 real-life moments scarier than any horror movie
LET’S FACE IT: life is terrifying. Here’s the worst of it.
1. A poster falling off the wall at night
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Falls down by day: irritation. Falls down by night: terrifying monster breaking down your door.
2. Walking through a door and finding someone there unexpectedly
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Especially when you’re in a vulnerable position, like just out of the shower. Or you live with one of those people who move about silently, cat-like, and you can never tell where they are.
3. When an unknown number rings your phone
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What it definitely is: someone pestering you to take a questionnaire, or the Revenue saying you owe them thousands of euro, or a hitman with a contract out on you for some reason.
What it definitely isn’t: Anything good.
4. Accidentally sending an email to the person the email’s about
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Stage 1: lurch in the pit of your stomach. Stage 2: desperately trying to claw the email back, hit Cancel, quit all programmes (none of which works of course). Stage 3: despair and skin-tingling dread.
5. The doorbell ringing when you’re not expecting anyone and you haven’t paid your TV licence yet
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THEY’VE COME FOR US.
6. Suddenly realising you were supposed to prepare a presentation for the meeting that’s in five minutes
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How could you have forgotten? HOW? This is the end of everything.
7. Getting a voicemail
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None of your friends would leave a voicemail. This means it’s either your parents, or someone telling you you owe them money.
8. Rolling backwards in your car on a hill start
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Cue desperate pedal-slamming; putting on handbrake AND footbrake; frantically checking to see you haven’t rolled into anyone. Then missing the lights and making everyone behind you honk furiously.
9. Waking up hungover and realising your mother-in-law is coming round
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YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE POLITE TEA OUT OF A TEAPOT. YOU’VE GOT TO MAKE CONVERSATION. YOU CAN’T LIE ON THE SOFA AND WATCH COOKERY PROGRAMMES FOR HOURS. THIS IS HELL.
10. Checking your bank balance
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And staring into the terrifying money void.
11. Bed jolts as you’re falling asleep
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High likelihood that your body has been possessed by a demon of some kind.
12. Sleeping through your alarm
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And the feeling when you finally wake up and see the clock.
13. Reading through your sent messages the morning after
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No words.
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