AH, THE FIRST Monday of September; you can almost smell the poster paint and Petits Filous.

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While primary school pupils and secondary school students have actually been making their way back to the classroom since last week, it never really sinks in that a new school year has started until that first bell in September rings.

And today is that day.

Despite having left school 14 years ago, the first week of September still manages to throw up the same emotions it did when I was kilt-clad and Nike-obsessed.

The new school year always heralded an onslaught of emotions; excitement, apprehension, and anticipation, to name but three.

And while it was generally considered one of the school calendar’s doss weeks, I often found the first week back among the most stressful, and here’s why.

1. The book list

If you were anything like me, you regularly returned to school without the required text books, and were forced to mumble the same longwinded excuse to your teachers until at least the first week of October.

‘My mam was in the book shop, but they’re out of stock, and she’s put her name down, and the man said they won’t be in until mid-September, and actually loads of people are still waiting on them… sir.”

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2. The seating arrangements

Yourself and your mate swore blind that that you’d share a desk in English, but after finding yourself separated at registration, you’re forced to sit beside a person who refused to let you copy in the most recent summer tests.

And then your teacher would drop this bombshell:

‘The seat you’ve chosen today will be the seat you’ll use in this class for the rest of the year, unless I tell you otherwise. Is that clear?’

3. The timetable

Adjusting to a full-day’s schedule of classes after a summer spent flung on the couch took more than a little getting used to, and you weren’t above suggesting that you’d need to bring your bedtime forward if you were going to survive the rest of the school year.

‘Is anyone else struggling to walk from class to class? I can barely see straight. I’m going to need more than ten hours of sleep a night if I want to make it to Halloween, lads.’

4. The older folk

And we’re not talking the teachers here, although a few of them were lucky to have stayed on your good side by the time the school holidays rolled back around.

No, we’re talking the year directly above you.

Dodging that crew was like trying to navigate a minefield, and you’d barely be in the school doors before one of your lot had had their schoolbag straps tightened beyond all functionality or been hung on a coat hook.

5. The after-school activities

You and your mates spent your summer fending off encouragement from your parents to join after-school clubs, and had mutually decided that there wasn’t a chance in hell you’d be giving up Nickelodeon to chase each other around a mucky field.

And then, like a bundle of traitors, they all went and signed up, and you found yourself walking home alone until they saw sense.

‘My mam made me…’

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