SCHOOL TOURS were key events in the life of a primary school children. The excitement wasn’t really for the tour itself, however, but the bus journey.

Pile 30-odd kids on a coach and you have yourself a party.

1. Important talks concerning who was sitting beside whom dominated the weeks before the tour

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Like the G8 summit, but with Irish nine-year-olds.

2. The ‘SAME SEATS’ call was final and had to be respected

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3. But a real sickener if you didn’t want ‘same seats’

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4. Inevitably someone broke it on the way back, leading to a complete society meltdown

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“But if Sarah can sit beside Fiona now, why can’t Amy move so I can be beside Katie? IT’S NOT FAIR!”

5. Everyone wanted to sit at the back

The prime spot for mischief, with an unshakable air of coolness.

6. But it was harder to get into than a swanky nightclub

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The same bunch of lads always had automatic dibs, and the rest of you just had to deal with that.

8. Getting the drivers behind you to wave was a decent victory

And of course, those that didn’t…

9. The ultimate goal, however, was convincing lorry drivers to honk the horn

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Succeed, and everyone on the bus would roar like Ireland just won the Six Nations.

10. Everyone claimed they would save their sweets for lunchtime, but dig into them 15 minutes down the road

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11. There was always one kid who got car-sick

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They had to sit up the front, feel nauseous, miss all the craic, AND deal with the slagging.

12. And the radical difference between the journey up and the journey down

Going up:

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Going down (way, way down):

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