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Given the amount of passionate lovemaking happening on screen, you’ll never see a pair of old socks still hanging around the protagonists’ feet. If they are in such a rush, this would always happen.
Lies.
5. That sweeping things off desks is an appropriate thing to do
Hollywood doesn’t tend to show the wet patch in the middle of the bed. That gets glossed over. The characters never have to awkwardly lie around it either.
For shame.
7. The bath tub in your gaff is the perfect place for sex
Everyone who has had to stop what’s going on to slide on a condom will tell you that those seconds are the least sexy thing ever. And they need some recognition.
Monday 25 November, 2024
Monday 25 November, 2024
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11 things sex in the movies lied to us about
EVERYTHING IS SO glamorous in the sex scenes of movies – but it’s so much different in the real world.
Hollywood tells us traumatising lies like:
1. Clothes always slide off bodies in a ridiculously smooth manner
In real life, jeans get caught on ankles and you have to fumble around for a few minutes just to get your shoes off.
2. That switching positions is a seamless manoeuvre
Nobody ever discusses what position is next either – it just happens.
Nice story, Hollywood.
3. That peoplewrap themselves in sheets when they’re strolling around the place
No.
Awkwardly walking naked across the room is the cornerstone of actual sex.
4. Manky socks don’t exist in the bedroom
Given the amount of passionate lovemaking happening on screen, you’ll never see a pair of old socks still hanging around the protagonists’ feet. If they are in such a rush, this would always happen.
Lies.
5. That sweeping things off desks is an appropriate thing to do
Do that in real life and you’re liable to have a stern conversation about keeping the gaff tidy.
6. The bed clothes stay stain free throughout
Hollywood doesn’t tend to show the wet patch in the middle of the bed. That gets glossed over. The characters never have to awkwardly lie around it either.
For shame.
7. The bath tub in your gaff is the perfect place for sex
Regular baths aren’t designed for this sort of carry on. Memo to Hollywood directors: we don’t live in luxury hotels.
8. The awkward moment of putting on the condom is never, ever mentioned
Everyone who has had to stop what’s going on to slide on a condom will tell you that those seconds are the least sexy thing ever. And they need some recognition.
9. Orgasms happen in about 30 seconds
Usually against a wall for convenience.
10. That you look really glamorous straight after
Real life is more two sweaty, red-faced people who couldn’t even be arsed to try and look cool.
We’re not lighting up cigarettes and looking like we’re straight out of a CK ad either.
11. That all men lie outside the covers after and women are underneath them
Convenient for the movies? Yes.
But real life sees two barely covered people trying not to fall asleep and basking in their obvious nakedness.
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