Only contenders for the annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award were considered for this quiz. Test yourself against the best/worst sex writing ever right here.
1. "Back and forth, side to side, they moved on their bed on the hay. Back and forth, side to side, they moved their ____, their _____, their legs, their whole bodies."
mouths/hands
tongues/eyes
hips/feet
chests/hearts
2. "In the shower, Ed stood with his hands at the back of his head, like someone just arrested, while she abused him with a bar of soap. After a while he shut his eyes, and Diane, wielding her _________ now and staring at his ____, helped him out with two practiced hands, one squeezing the family jewels..."
long nails/body
fingernails/face
instrument/instrument
Dove/back
3. "'God won't punish you,' she says, 'if you love me.' He feels the intensity of his love for her with each repetition, along with the ______ in his cock, and the profound shock of ____."
tingling/joy
sensations/love
feeling/orgasm
sensitivity/passion
4. "His mouth lathered with her _____, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the ______, drive it into her piety."
spit/monster
moisture/beast
saliva/fiend
sap/hound
5. "Never will I tire of that silvery fluidity, my sex swimming in joy like a ______ in water, my self freed of both self and other, the ________ sensation."
serpent/sexual
fish/quivering
snake/trembling
seal/vibrating
6. "I'd forgotten this about her: she has the smallest, hottest mouth, as if she's storing ______ in her cheeks. I shut my eyes, holding her hair by the roots. My bones start to liquefy."
lava
fire
magma
coals
7. "Running her tongue over her lips she nodded; she was as hot as boiling water in a ________ _______, and it wasn't long before I was able to really get going. We both came at the same time."
steaming kettle
distillation flask
bunsen burner
deep pot
8. "It was as if a dam within me had burst and we made love that day and night like two people _______, slowly suffused with more and more _______, exploring and devouring every inch of each other."
desperate/temptation
famished/discovery
parched/love
starved/pleasure
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Perfection!
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