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THOUGH IT MIGHT now be dubbed a “Festival”, St Patrick’s Day will always be about the big Parade in Dublin city centre to us.
It was – and is – a magnificent, baffling beast. If you’ve been attending it faithfully for years, you’ve probably never questioned just how weird it is. Here are the most bizarre things that we all accept for normal every Paddy’s Day.
1. The sheer amount of marching bands
Who had any idea there were so many marching bands in America? And furthermore, that they wanted to come to Ireland?
Photocall Ireland!
Photocall Ireland!
2. Cheerleaders freezing their pom-poms off
See above. Though the cheerleaders admittedly did give the Parade a frisson of true USA glamour, if only because they symbolised all that was exciting and magnetic about American kids’ TV.
Imagine the shock to their systems – from practising your round-offs in your high school’s quad in Florida to performing for face-painted Irish people down a grey O’Connell Street.
GIVE US A GO OF YOUR BATON!
Photocall Ireland!
Photocall Ireland!
3. Steampunk vibes
Huge metallic spiders leer down at the crowd, coupled with machinery that Jules Verne could only have dreamt about. There are no truly satisfying answers to why the St Patrick’s Day Parade has taken on this macabre, metallic tinge. A chilling vision of things to come, perhaps.
Laura Hutton / Photocall Ireland
Laura Hutton / Photocall Ireland / Photocall Ireland
Laura Hutton / Photocall Ireland
Laura Hutton / Photocall Ireland / Photocall Ireland
7. Stepladders
The people who bring stepladders to the Parade need to feck off. See also: the jammy feckers who view the parade from their ivory towers (ie, apartments lining the Parade’s route).
Plaited woolly string only ever really emerges from the recesses of the city during GAA match days and the Parade. Why can’t this be a year-round thing? Because it looks awful. That’s why.
WHY don’t these woolly string headbands have a proper name? They’re an intrinsic part of many Irish days out, and yet they haven’t been dignified with a proper name. Any suggestions?
9. Dodgy facepaint
There’s a reason why people don’t wear facepaint every day. It’s because most people can’t paint their faces that well, and also as the day wears on, you start looking like the pot you wash brushes in.
Photocall Ireland!
Photocall Ireland!
10. Proliferation of flags
Where do all the tricolours come from? You wouldn’t see a tricolour from one end of town to the other on any other day in the year. Do people go home and carefully fold them away in their special flag keepsafe box after the Parade every year or something?
You got a better class of sweet thrown at you from the floats on the Dublin Parade. Sorry to those reading from beyond the Pale, but you’re just gonna have to accept this.
Photocall Ireland!
Photocall Ireland!
What were your favourite parts of the Parade, baffling or otherwise? Share your stories in the comments. Ah, go on, we’ll chuck you a few marshmallows from our steampunk aqua float.
Monday 23 December, 2024
Monday 23 December, 2024
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13 of the most inexplicable things about Dublin's St Patrick's Day Parade
THOUGH IT MIGHT now be dubbed a “Festival”, St Patrick’s Day will always be about the big Parade in Dublin city centre to us.
It was – and is – a magnificent, baffling beast. If you’ve been attending it faithfully for years, you’ve probably never questioned just how weird it is. Here are the most bizarre things that we all accept for normal every Paddy’s Day.
1. The sheer amount of marching bands
Who had any idea there were so many marching bands in America? And furthermore, that they wanted to come to Ireland?
2. Cheerleaders freezing their pom-poms off
See above. Though the cheerleaders admittedly did give the Parade a frisson of true USA glamour, if only because they symbolised all that was exciting and magnetic about American kids’ TV.
Imagine the shock to their systems – from practising your round-offs in your high school’s quad in Florida to performing for face-painted Irish people down a grey O’Connell Street.
GIVE US A GO OF YOUR BATON!
3. Steampunk vibes
Huge metallic spiders leer down at the crowd, coupled with machinery that Jules Verne could only have dreamt about. There are no truly satisfying answers to why the St Patrick’s Day Parade has taken on this macabre, metallic tinge. A chilling vision of things to come, perhaps.
Let’s see that in full-size, shall we?
Yep. Explain THAT.
4. Inevitable underwater theme
Why are there so many aquatic themed floats in the Parade? Why? Is there ANY EXPLANATION? Every second float seems to have a “under the sea” motif.
5. Big pauses between floats
Awkward.
6. Outlandish contemporary dance
Big leaps! Floaty dresses! SPINS!
7. Stepladders
The people who bring stepladders to the Parade need to feck off. See also: the jammy feckers who view the parade from their ivory towers (ie, apartments lining the Parade’s route).
8. Plaited string
Plaited woolly string only ever really emerges from the recesses of the city during GAA match days and the Parade. Why can’t this be a year-round thing? Because it looks awful. That’s why.
WHY don’t these woolly string headbands have a proper name? They’re an intrinsic part of many Irish days out, and yet they haven’t been dignified with a proper name. Any suggestions?
9. Dodgy facepaint
There’s a reason why people don’t wear facepaint every day. It’s because most people can’t paint their faces that well, and also as the day wears on, you start looking like the pot you wash brushes in.
10. Proliferation of flags
Where do all the tricolours come from? You wouldn’t see a tricolour from one end of town to the other on any other day in the year. Do people go home and carefully fold them away in their special flag keepsafe box after the Parade every year or something?
11. Irish merchandise
Hats, bells, whistles, novelty ties, costumes, feather boas, sunglasses, deely-boppers, foam fingers, banners, clover to the lapel… Everything.
12. Unintentionally but absolutely petrifying floats
I’ve seen things. Terrible things.
SCREAM.
Nightmares.
13. Sweet-throwing
You got a better class of sweet thrown at you from the floats on the Dublin Parade. Sorry to those reading from beyond the Pale, but you’re just gonna have to accept this.
What were your favourite parts of the Parade, baffling or otherwise? Share your stories in the comments. Ah, go on, we’ll chuck you a few marshmallows from our steampunk aqua float.
Read: Here’s why everyone should stop calling it St Patty’s Day>
Read: 8 people you will definitely see at the Parade>
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