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THE WINTER OLYMPICS in Sochi are in full swing, and we’re glued to the telly. It’s just so wonderful, so gracious, so entertaining, like Dancing On Ice without the has-been celebrities.
Sure, we were equally as amazed during London 2012, but there’s just something about the ice and pretty skating that makes us seethe with undignified inadequacy.
This is pretty much how an emotional viewing session goes down.
1. Pride
At first, the spirit of the games and the human will and spirit yadda ya is just so overwhelming. Lookit them!
AP / Press Association Images
AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images
AMAZING. All so talented. Do us proud.
2. Wonder
You start dabbling in some events and immediately regret that burrito. How do they do it? Oh, to have such talent and motivation. At least your juicing regime is going ok.
Tell yourself she’s not human. It helps, trust us.
3. Comparison
But she IS. Ski jumpers do this, and you can’t even touch your toes
The back of our knees are hurting.
Matthias Schrader
Matthias Schrader
Can you even begin to imagine how much core work you haven’t done to achieve this this Godly level of skeleton amazingness?
Dita Alangkara
Dita Alangkara
We have pains. Actual phantom pains.
4. Curiosity
No seriously, how do they do it? Are they human?
Ivan Sekretarev
Ivan Sekretarev
Then there’s the questioning of your very judgement when someone you think did amazing only gets an average score. 22-year-old figure skater Ashley Wagner was in a hayp about her 63.10 points, coming in fourth.
We’d just be happy to be asked at all, Ashley.
5. Frantic research
SURELY that twirly Russian skater at least 10 years older than us. We could so learn how to do that in 10 years.
A little google will confirm it…
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Oh.
Scanning her Wikipedia confirms that she’s never fallen on ice ONCE. You fell yesterday when you tripped over your own feet.
6. Bargaining
They probably train really hard and have no lives outside of their chosen sport. Can you actually imagine not being able to lie-in on weekends?
You’re the real winner here.
7. Resentment
But LOOK AT THEM. Would you be able? Cause we’re certainly not.
Friday 22 November, 2024
Friday 22 November, 2024
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9 stages of inadequacy you feel while watching the Winter Olympics
THE WINTER OLYMPICS in Sochi are in full swing, and we’re glued to the telly. It’s just so wonderful, so gracious, so entertaining, like Dancing On Ice without the has-been celebrities.
Sure, we were equally as amazed during London 2012, but there’s just something about the ice and pretty skating that makes us seethe with undignified inadequacy.
This is pretty much how an emotional viewing session goes down.
1. Pride
At first, the spirit of the games and the human will and spirit yadda ya is just so overwhelming. Lookit them!
AMAZING. All so talented. Do us proud.
2. Wonder
You start dabbling in some events and immediately regret that burrito. How do they do it? Oh, to have such talent and motivation. At least your juicing regime is going ok.
Tell yourself she’s not human. It helps, trust us.
3. Comparison
But she IS. Ski jumpers do this, and you can’t even touch your toes
The back of our knees are hurting.
Can you even begin to imagine how much core work you haven’t done to achieve this this Godly level of skeleton amazingness?
We have pains. Actual phantom pains.
4. Curiosity
No seriously, how do they do it? Are they human?
Then there’s the questioning of your very judgement when someone you think did amazing only gets an average score. 22-year-old figure skater Ashley Wagner was in a hayp about her 63.10 points, coming in fourth.
We’d just be happy to be asked at all, Ashley.
5. Frantic research
SURELY that twirly Russian skater at least 10 years older than us. We could so learn how to do that in 10 years.
A little google will confirm it…
Oh.
Scanning her Wikipedia confirms that she’s never fallen on ice ONCE. You fell yesterday when you tripped over your own feet.
6. Bargaining
They probably train really hard and have no lives outside of their chosen sport. Can you actually imagine not being able to lie-in on weekends?
You’re the real winner here.
7. Resentment
But LOOK AT THEM. Would you be able? Cause we’re certainly not.
They’re not that great, really.
Ah lads.
Still, they fall sometimes. Human after all. Hate that, Jeremy Abbott.
But some of them make super-human amazing recoveries and then we hate the world again.
Damn you Shiva Keshavan.
8. Motivation
It is the hobby we’ve been looking for all of this time.
We’ll show the world. Training starts when the Olympics are over, or at a more convenient time in the distant future.
9. Acceptance
Yeah, we’re never gonna be on their level. Let’s just enjoy our twelfth consecutive hour watching the curling.
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