TODAY, THIS CHART of where people are comfortable being touched by strangers (according to research) is doing the rounds:
It reveals things like:
- Men are more at ease with a female stranger touching any part of their body, including genitals, than a relative
- Women allow themselves to be touched on a larger bodily area than males
- British people are less at ease with being touched by a stranger than other nationalities in the study
Ireland wasn’t included in the research by scientists at Oxford and Aalto Universities, but we’ve got a bit of exceptionally scientific research on when touching is allowed:
1. On the back….
… if you’re next at the self-service checkout or the ATM and you’re away with the fairies.
In this case a swift poke a nod saves you any further embarrassment, tuts and general bad feeling.
2. On the arm…
…. if you’ve just given an old woman a hand with something – directions maybe, or getting something down off a high shelf – and she wants to thank you with a firm grip to the forearm and a “good lad/girl yourself”.
3. On the head…
… if Ireland have just scored in any kind of qualifier. Then a robust head ruffle of the person nearest you if borderline required.
4. On the foot…
… if a salesperson in Clarks lets you use the magic shoe measurer and therefore relive your childhood.
5. On the shoulder…
… if you’re at a wedding, it’s 2am, and the DJ has threatened the last song.
By law, you all have to huddlein a drunken circle around the bride and groom, shoulder to shoulder with strangers, taking a real and credible risk of bodily harm as Livin’ On a Prayer reaches its crescendo.
6. On the face…
… if someone gave you a voucher for your birthday and you’re going to endure this facial if it kills you.
7. Pretty much anywhere on your body…
… when you win your Dáil seat.
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