1. Google Mapping the route from the airport to your hotel and realising it is, no joke, an hour and a half away by taxi.
2. But going for it anyway because from this vantage point, paying extra for a taxi is preferable to paying extra to actually be at your destination. This is a form of stinginess we call ‘Olearyitis’.
3. Carefully unticking all the ‘Rent a car! Get travel insurance! Check more bags!” traps they’ve set out for you on the website.
4. Forgetting to check in online, and paying €70 for the pleasure of having it done at the airport.
5. Pretending to not hear the announcement asking for people to voluntarily check their hand luggage.
6. Pretending to not see the staff member who comes down the line brandishing checked luggage tags.
7. Feeling like you’ve beaten the system when you successfully get on to the plane with your hand luggage, which you were supposed to have anyway…
8. …Or getting caught by the tag-brandisher, and having to throw your precious bag onto a trolley beside the plane. Will you ever see it again?
9. Sitting on the tarmac for an hour because the plane missed its take-off slot and sure what else are they going to do with you?
10. Feeling slightly uneasy due to the mounting discontent on the aircraft. Someone’s gonna kick off. You’re just not sure who yet.
11. Paying approximately €20 for a sandwich.
12. Taking in every little detail of the safety card in the back of the seat. Tag yourself, I’m the the guy lepping out of the emergency exit.
13. Grumbling and tutting along with the other passengers when the staff apologise for the late take off. United front!
14. Seeing Michael O’Leary on your flight, and suppressing the urge to tap him on the shoulder and say “Do you see Michael? Do you see now?”
15. Swearing you’ll never fly with them again…
16. …Then coming down with an acute case of Olearyitis the next time you get on Skyscanner. Sure we can get to Girona Barcelona for no money!
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