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1. You’re startled by any sudden noise, including sneezes, doors slamming, car alarms, or people talking too loudly

2. It’s the same for sudden noises in films. All kinds of films. Even kids films

3. You’ve learned to recognise and appreciate musical cues in movies, so you know exactly when to hide

4. You’re always jumping at loud bits in films at the cinema, much to the annoyance of the people who have to sit beside you

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5. Your friends take every opportunity to scare the sh*t out of you. And there are many, many opportunities

6. You usually make a completely ridiculous sound when you get frightened (which only leads people to try and frighten you more)

7. You’re now so suspicious of people trying to scare you that you’ve walked around an empty house saying “I KNOW YOU’RE HERE. IT WON’T WORK”

8. It usually works anyway, TBF

9. You’re always on your guard around Halloween, and you’d fully die if someone set off a banger near you

10. Similarly, you don’t appreciate any pranks, Halloween or no

11. You get no enjoyment out of horror films. Zero. Zilch. None

12. And going to a haunted house? They might as well ready a death certificate for you

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13. You don’t appreciate people approaching you from the side or behind. Do they WANT to give you a heart attack

14. You still run madly up the stairs once all the lights are off downstairs, decades after your childhood ended

15. You’ve forced friends, family members and significant others to check out ‘weird noises’ you heard in the house late at night

16. And the recent ‘killer clown’ sightings chilled you to the bone. Would you ever recover from seeing one? Probably not

17. On the other hand, your reflexes are top notch

18. And you know you’d be the only one of your mates to survive a horror film, since you’d nope the f**k out of there as quickly as possible

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