LAST NIGHT, TAYLOR Swift released her brand new single Look What Made You Do and was met with confusion and mockery.
The bewilderment stemmed from the fact that the song is a bit of a letdown and an unusual misfire from one of the savviest pop stars in the game. How could this be her lead single? Where’s the Shake It Off 2017?
Things somehow only got worse and more embarrassing from there.
Here’s what Taylor Swift did today.
First of all, she changed her Instagram bio to read, “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”
Look What You Made Me Do features a phone call interlude in which Taylor Swift can be heard saying, “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. She’s dead.”
It is exactly as mortifying as it sounds and is in fact an insult to great spoken word interludes like the “But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end” part from Oops! I Did It Again.
Girl, you can’t kill yourself off. The Old Taylor is not some persona you invented. She isn’t Sasha Fierce or Ziggy Stardust. You’re not fooling any of us here.
After the song was released, she announced that she would be partnering with Target to release two special magazines featuring, among other things, “poetry and paintings”.
Look at this hot mess of a magazine cover.
- POETRY & PAINTINGS
- 16 PAGES OF HANDWRITTEN LYRICS
- PERSONAL PHOTOS
- FASHION PORTRAITS
- BEHIND THE SCENES
- VIDEO SHOOT
- PHOTOGRAPHY
- POSTER
This isn’t desperate at all, is it?
She partnered with UPS for some rather tragic sponcon.
Earlier today, UPS posted a video of Taylor Swift packing boxes and announced a competition whereby fans can win “concert tickets and prize pack” if they preorder Taylor Swift’s new album with UPS.
You could win an exclusive #TaylorSwiftDelivery by pre-ordering* Taylor’s new album #reputation from UPS. https://t.co/OpvEIOQYMa pic.twitter.com/mvHjzXbn5T
— UPS (@UPS) August 25, 2017
They followed that video up with this.
Is this really necessary, Taylor? Aren’t you arguably the biggest pop star in the world right now? Do you really have to partner up with a package delivery service to promote your new album? This is behaviour one would expect from the Meghan Trainors of the world. Not Taylor Swift.
She released a teaser for her forthcoming video, which will debut at the VMAs on Sunday, and people were quick to notice that there was a whiff of Formation of it.
The “Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time” jokes write themselves.
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She went too hard on the snake iconography.
The snake videos were one thing. Selling snake hoodies ($75) and gaudy snake rings ($65) is quite another. There was an opportunity to be coy and playful here, and you missed the mark.
Oh, Taylor. Look what you made us do.
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