EVERY WEEKDAY MORNING, we dig through the celebrity dirt to bring you the best of it. Here’s The Dredge…

Lawyers for the royal family Harbottle and Lewis – who launched legal action in France yesterday – may be having a few quiet regrets after it emerged that they do one’s royal bidding for free. (Radar)

Meanwhile, the row over topless photos of Kate Middleton has spiralled to such an extent that even her nonagenarian grandfather-in-law Prince Philip is intervening. Phil is said to be “seething” after his least-favourite duchess Fergie weighed in to defend Kate, and has “slammed her” to other royals around the dinner table. (Radar)

Safe in the Far East, Kate had a good old giggle at somebody else’s boobs yesterday. Probably she was feeling better after hearing that she has the whole-hearted support of Kelly Osbourne. (The Sun, Perez)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Words

French or Spanish: The only languages Gwyneth Paltrow’s children are allowed to watch television in, because it’s GOOD FOR THEM. Gwynnie – who also said she ate “just ice cream” while pregnant – revealed that she buys cartoons in France specially, thus condemning her offspring to a long, dreary lifetime of not ‘getting’ other people’s cultural references. (Mail Online)

Gwyneth shields her child from the debilitating effects of Spongebob (Charles Guerin/ABACA USA/Empics Entertainment)

Bullshit: What One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson has branded fans’ false rumours that he is gay and in a secret relationship with bandmate Harry Styles. (Its celebrity-relationship-name is “Larry”.) Louis, who does after all have a girlfriend, said: “Still months on reading conspiracy theories. It’s upsetting that I have to read them daily.” (Mirror)

Harry and Louis, pictured in the days before they had stylists (Lewis Whyld/PA Archive/Press Association Images)

Private jet: What Robert Pattinson will swan about in while promoting the new Twilight, while Kristen Stewart flies commercial. Why? Well, a ‘source’ said that Kristen is now seen as a “wild card” by promoters, and they’re going to great lengths to avoid an “emotional outburst”. Some would say that the experience of flying transatlantic in economy is pretty much designed to provoke emotional outbursts, but whatever. (Perez)

Robert Pattinson, shortly after being informed of the flying arrangements (PBG/Empics Entertainment)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Dirt

Lindsay Lohan’s mum flipped off Dr Phil. Because someone had to. (Radar)

The members of Westlife “argued like hell” in the sad, sad twilight of their career. (Irish Sun)

Rihanna is a “nice girl”, according to the Co Down farmer who kicked her off his land for stripping. (The Sun)

Adele is singing the new Bond theme tune, for definite. (Perez)

Ryan ‘All Class’ Reynolds dropped $2million on Blake Lively’s wedding rock. (Celebuzz)

Prince totally has an afro now. Whoa.

YouTube/rebuildthedream

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Barrel Scraper

It’s a hard world. (Mail Online)