Joel Ryan Joel Ryan

OVER THE WEEKEND, The Guardian published a profile of Cillian Murphy to celebrate the return of Peaky Blinders next month.

The main takeaway from the piece so far has been a particularly bold claim made in the opening paragraph:

The Guardian The Guardian

Interesting.

But in the comments, a much more important topic came up

Guardian Guardian

Cillian Murphy’s lad.

Which led one commenter in particular to explain to everyone why Cork people have such magnificent penises

Guardian Guardian

PadraigOHooligan began:

A classic Corkonian willy it is too. Certainly not drab, DrabWilly. It’s said by some that the Corkonian willy (or langer to use the technical name) is the most complete dong in the whole species. This is believed to be a result of the particular winds that drift in from the Atlantic off the Old Head of Kinsale.

They have “unprecedented accuracy”:

The exposure to such winds in the early years of the male Corkonian’s life and the subsequent ‘flapping’ effect leads to a smoothing of the creases and creates a perfectly cylindrical base unit. This gives the Corkonian male an unprecedented level of accuracy when using the langer either in the jacks or in the bedroom.

AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

In Padraig’s closing arguments, he cited some anecdotal evidence:

It is believed that should he choose to, the Corkonian male would require a urinal to be only 17mm wide to accommodate the perfectly aimed stream of urine when using the toilet. Being ever-humble though the Corkonian generally chooses not to use this exceptional precision so as not to humiliate other toilet users.

Instead, and is often to be witnessed in the male toilets of the world’s finest pubs (all in Cork), the Corkonian will often over-compensate and, in fact, leaves very little of his urine in the actual latrine and generously leave most of it on the floor. A most welcoming sight for the non-Corkonian I’m sure.

Excellent work.

Representing Cork penises on the international stage with distinction.

hat tip Broadsheet

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